Good afternoon! It's a lovely day, and I'm sitting here in the library texting my baby and typing on here because I am a lonely Kevin and I have no friends! Whee! Isn't life grand?
Really though, this library is beautiful. It's the nicest library I've ever been in, and I've been in a lot. There are four floors, and each one is stuffed with books and decorated with different languages' alphabets on the floor (there's music too) and built with really lovely postmodern architecture. Well, I guess it's a little modern too. There's a Nike of Samothrace reproduction in the study room, and an exhibit of different books and maps and things downstairs, and did I mention the wonderful collection of books? I went to the top floor, to the history and politics section, and I stayed there reading and reveling until I was almost late for my next class. There's also a very sizable Linguistics section, and I might visit there tomorrow, if I'm not distracted by something else first. I love it so much! So now I'm here in one of the study areas (ish), because my roommate decided to invite a bunch of people over to our dorm and I couldn't face staying in there with them. I came here about an hour ago, thinking I could do my homework and study and be busy at least until dinnertime, but I'm all done with everything I brought with me (I don't want to go all the way back to the dorm to get my political science stuff), and I'm stuck here for the conceivable future, unless I want to go back and hang out with Brittni and Lindsi and Halli and whomever else darling Melissa has taken it into her head to call upon. And I don't want to do that, obviously. SO here I am!
You know, some people here are really flippin' rude. I mean, really impolite. Castiglione would have his work cut out for him. I don't know if it's something in the water, or maybe the air from the cornfields, that makes folks want to act like boorish apes, but it shore is happening, and at my expense! I feel like Hester Prynne. Okay, so I'm wearing my pink lace dress today, which is kind of short, but not too bad, and a bit low-cut, but again, not too bad, and admittedly very tight, like Jessica Rabbit's dress, but I've seen worse on many a hipster in LA. It's really cute, and it makes me feel more confident, which is something necessary in this air that kills, do you not agree? But all the girls I pass have been casting the evil eye and giving me downwards glances (quite blatantly too, I do declare), which isn't surprising, since they are all taller than I, but which feels somewhat demeaning. I would understand if I looked gross in this dress, but (and I don't want to be gauche here) I really don't! My stomach is completely flat; there's no pudge at all, and my bust looks amazing too, and I know it's a really bright color, but I can wear bright colors and get away with it. So there's really no call for them all to be judging me so harshly. One particularly irrepressible harpy even looked at me, clapped her hand over her mouth, and walked away snickering, and had I brought Daisy Bell with me, I would have started to work on my transfer applications right then and there. I know it seems cool and clever and stick-it-to-the-man to look down on pretty people, but believe me when I say sincerely that it's really not. I can't speak for everyone, but I feel like I can't be the only person trying to stave off a complete breakdown through a verisimilitude to beauty. If that's all you have going for you, well then, of course you want to play it up, even if it makes you stand out more, because that's all there is between surviving and crumbling. I don't think I'm expressing myself very well, and even if I were, if someone were to read it, he would immediately castigate me as being stupid, vain, misguided, shallow, or any one of the pretty bits of denigration that so adorn the idiolects of practically everyone in this deluded generation. So it's probably not good to talk about this stuff. And man, it sure does bring down the tone of this piece here! I always end up being depressing, and it's the most annoying thing. I used to be able to handle myself better. Get it together, Jasmine!
As a disclaimer, let me just stress that not everyone here is rude. Some people (particularly the guys) are very nice. I've met some lovely people in my classes, and on Sunday I went to the common room to play cards with some of my hallmates (2/3 of whom were guys, but you know), and that was a fun time for me. I constantly have to ask directions to different places, because there hasn't been a single day yet where I haven't gotten lost at least twice, and if I take care to ask guys, I can always get helpful and kind answers to my (numerous) queries. I get hit on a lot too, but that's not as beneficial. So, yup! Not everyone here is an evil troll! Just mostly everyone!
I'm really hungry. I want to get food, but if I get food now, it won't be sensible, cuz it'll be another five or six hours until I go to bed, and then I'll be hungry again. So I think it's better to eat later, like I'm used to. Or something. I dunno. Also, I wouldn't have anywhere to eat, because Melissa is still partying it up, and I couldn't possibly go back to the dorm and eat in front of all them people. But anyway, I got a system here, and don't you dispute it! So, in the morning, I go to Starbucks or the Espress-OH cafe (what a clever name, don't you agree?) and get coffee or whatever, and then that's my breakfast, because I'm okay with drinking stuff in public. And then at about 9:00 when the commotion is dying down, I go out and buy dinner and take it back to my dorm and eat it while I'm studying (Melissa is never there, so it's okay). And then I go to bed! It's a convenient system, the only problem being that I get all hungry in the middle of the day. But no system is perfect! Just look at the metric system! I mean, no, the standard one. The metric system is pretty swag.
I miss Austin, man! He's my bby, and I like him lots. It's dumb, but I've sort of convinced myself that he's serious about liking me (although for the life of me I can't figure out why). Oh no, I sound like a horrible prick! Okay, don't worry, I'm not entirely convinced that he likes me, and I know he's going to stop soon, and I definitely don't accept it as my due or anything. I still feel like it's an entirely plausible explanation that he just wants him some Jasmine booty (though he doesn't seem like that kind of person, the darling) and all this sweet-talk is about as sincere as the facade on a neoclassical French building, but I'm such a gullible and inexperienced dimwit when it comes to this sort of thing that it's hard to maintain a stony indifference. Now, okay, of course I'm not inexperienced when it comes to love, but sincere love, that's a different story. I think Roger liked me, but of course that worked out to a tragedy, and Francisco, of course, liked (likes?) me inside and out, but other than those two, I think there's no one else who hasn't just wanted the DD (zing!). So, you'll forgive me, or at least understand where I'm coming from, if I'm a little bit skeptical here! I like Austin so much, and I want to stay with him, but if all he wants is my ass, I'm going to have to get rid of him, and uggh I don't want to, but that's the way the world works. I really don't want to go through the whole at-least-someone-finds-me-attractive bit again, and I don't want to place my bets with someone who only keeps me around because he finds me attractive. I know this sounds horrible and all, and if you're a real person reading this you probably hate me, but tell me, why is self-respect so demonized that I can't even be allowed this much pride? UGH. Everything is so difficult.
I really am a brat. "Oh no," whines Jasmine, "Countless boys think I'm pretty! Whatever shall I do?" Well, I'll tell you what you should do, Jazzy. You should man up and be a woman! Let's go! Oh, baby wants to Skype. Okeydokey! Man, I'm such a loser.
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