So today, instead of texting people back, I sat on the couch eating chocolate and reading Ayn Rand. I've finished almost two thirds now, and I feel quite accomplished. 1080-ish pages never felt so long. Anyway, after I finally got off my ass, I went to Barnes and Noble to drink coffee and do my calculus homework. I finished that (though I thought I never would, it being well nigh interminable and all), and then, feeling quite rebellious, I picked out a business and finance magazine and sat reading it instead of studying. I am the most badass of anyone, don't you agree? I am wonderful. Maybe I'm actually 60 years old. I could be like Rip van Winkle. If I could only persuade the world of my true identity, I could become quite rich and famous, and maybe I would get elected to office on the strength of my venerable elderliness. I think I'm going to check my stocks now. I actually do own some, though they are quite boring. Dad bought them for me, and though they are moral and ethically pure, they do not make a lot of money for me. Investing in something like Google would after all be quite wicked. Far better to invest in the Arizona silver mines. I hope they don't go out of business or something, but I feel that they probably will, someday. We can't hold John Galt off forever. Oh dear. Everything is going down, except the VIX, which is going up. Apparently, January is going to be quite disastrous. We may be about to fall off a cliff, but the debt ceiling is much worse. I sure don't envy Obama right now, no I don't! He's going to get blamed for everything, even if he has nothing to do with it. The economy is a free wild beast that none can tame (though Andrew Jackson did wound it once), and the sooner everyone realizes it, the better! So there.
I have a 97 in my online calc class. This, is a record for me. I have never done so well in any kind of math class. I'm actually quite proud. It beats my Lit grade, in fact. I wish it could go on my transcript instead of my other one. No matter how much singing I did, it wasn't worth much in the end. Things like this make me hate life, liberty, and especially the pursuit of happiness. Actually, they make me hate everything in general. I may have to run off and become an anti-intellectual and run a steel plant or something. I probably wouldn't be very good at it, but you know. Shite happens (or at least it would be sure to if I were left in charge).
You know what else makes me hate the human race? People. They are the scum of the earth. It ruins my day when I see them. Of course I like them in the abstract, and nothing would run very well if there weren't any, but it does often seem as though the sole object of every soul alive today is to irritate the bejeebers out of me (and I'm not even sure what bejeebers are). I sat behind two little children with iphones in church today. They were waving them about like distress signals, happily engaged with playing the noisiest games of Angry Birds they possibly could. Their lovely mother, of course, was not stopping them. In fact, she was behaving even more badly (if such a feat is possible). She began to talk loudly to every child within twenty feet of her, and make quite frightening faces, possibly in an attempt to exorcise any demons who might be lurking nearby (though how these demons could have made it all the way inside the sanctuary, I have no idea). Then, as if this weren't enough, she began to clamber and slither all over the pews like some kind of overgrown spider. Being quite tall, she made it into the pew in front of her, or rather her torso did, while the rest of her stayed more or less in the vicinity of her seat. She then stayed in this contortionist position for a good part of the service, chattering loudly to the troop of small, smelly children in front of her, and effectively blocking my view. I have often said that there is nothing more annoying than a new parent, and now I know this to be indisputable fact. Just one more reason for me not to have kids. Becoming pew-spider-woman would be one of the most humiliating additions to a resume in the course of human events. The only place I could get a job would be at the zoo. And that wouldn't be one of my top choices by any stretch of the imagination.
You know, I've been writing on here every day. Maybe I will soon run out of things to say and I will start spouting conservative rhetoric. I hope the day will not come soon (if at all). I would probably get arrested by the internet police for being a public nuisance (though it never seems to stop the idiots on forums and chat sites). Then I would have to argue my case in internet court, with only a pack of LOLcats for a jury, and no defense of my own, since the sixth amendment doesn't exist on the internet. It would be quite a terrible experience, and doomed to utter failure. My conviction would be quick and merciless and would end with me being chained in internet prison, subsisting on cheeseburgers and Bear Grylls "water" until the end of time. And I would have to listen to nyancat and watch Boxy videos on repeat forever. Damn, I would be the most reviled person in the world if I were in charge of prisons. I scare me. Whew!
All righty now, although it's been fun, I say it's high time for me to go to bed. After all, it is 2:23 AM. I'll just pop along now. But maybe I'll watch an episode of My Little Pony first. Friendship is magic, you know (although I wouldn't, not having any). Ok, goodnight!
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