I am quite literally butthurt.

My ass hurts. Quite a lot, in fact. Unglamorous as it may seem, it is nonetheless quite a legitimate complaint, since it debars me from full enjoyment of my life and pains me more than words can say. I can barely move, and am forced to waddle, stiff-jointed and bow-legged, like some kind of cowboy-penguin hybrid, whenever I want to walk anywhere. It's rather annoying. This all started when Dad made us all go hiking yesterday for a family bonding experience. It was the worst thing I did all day. For one thing, the "hill" he chose to ascend seemed a veritable Mt. Olympus and was as steep as the prices in a suburban Apple store. (Incidentally, wouldn't iPi be an adorable name for an account or for a product or something? Rolls off the tongue, it does.) I got stones in my shoes (Actually Sungmin's, since I own only one pair of sneakers and Kitty was wearing them), and my outfit looked completely disgusting. We climbed all the way to the top, and I nearly died, and then we climbed down, and I nearly died doing that too. Not very pleasant. I suppose it built character and muscle tone and all, but I wish wandering around a mall for awhile could be counted just as productive. It would be a lesson in economy too. How cruel indeed is the fate of the human race.

I've just watched a Skyrim Gangnam Style video on youtube. What am I even doing with my life? This is what my existence has descended to. Maybe I should go on a quest or something. I could ride dragons and take arrows to the knee and all. After all, what am I but Dragonborn? I am the bamfiest of all bamfs and must be respected as so. I will learn to speak Dohvakiin's language as well. Look at all the "misspelled" words in this paragraph. My my.

I've got about halfway through Atlas Shrugged now, and I feel that my pace is dreadfully slow. It's been a week. I should be further along. Of course, it is a notoriously long and difficult story, but then, I've always prided myself on my ability to read fast. What to do? I like the book quite a lot, actually. It's so complex! And the characters have grown on me. Well, some have. It's hard not to like Francisco, even though he is so annoying, and I wish Dagny and Hank all the best in the world. They are adorable, both of them. I'm so sure they're going to break up though, and Hank and Francisco will start dating. Then Dagny will make some terrible decision and go out with John Galt or something. Oh dear. I think I've seen the future, and it's not too pleasant. How could this happen? It's dreadful! Hank and Dagny had such an adorable relationship! Better than when she was with Francisco, because there was an unequal distribution of power there. Although he said that he still loves her and he always will, so that's cute. Dafuq's wrong with me? Have I become a sentimentalist? I have long denigrated love as silly, but now I fear that I've grown an amorous streak. Next I'll be taking a capitalist mistress myself. (I'm listening to Money by Pink Floyd, by the way. So perfect for this discussion. Oh yeah, dat ambience babyy!) Besides the love aspects of the story, though, I really like the evil government bit. So unconventional-yet conventional. Very intriguing. I also love how the grammar is all flawless. There's not a misused "who" in there! It's beautiful. And I like how everything has different shades of meaning. It all makes you think in addition to being a fun book to read. It's all quite nuanced. I think you have to be a bit of a mature person to read it. Not to tout myself as being mature or anything, you know, it's just that it seems a bit more cultured than some people would like. Maybe it's a different kind of maturity necessary? Hmm. I mean, neither Allie nor Sonia would like it. And no one else would go near it with a ten foot stick. The only person who might read it is effing S-hole. The brat! I bet he has read it. He probably identifies with the characters and has very strong opinions about the whole thing. Again I say it- the brat!

It's Kitty's birthday today. It's her quinceañera. Does this mean I have to call her Katherine now? Ugh. This'll be weird. It's probably high time though. I mean, we only called her Kitty because of the X-Men character, and most people don't understand the reference. They all think it's from Pride and Prejudice (which is quite confusing to them, because that Kitty is such an unpleasant character). Anyway, we went to Barnes and Noble to read and drink overpriced coffee, since that's her home away from home (mine too), or rather she and Mom did. I had to do math homework. After that, we picked up Zac and went off to watch The Hobbit. It was adorable! I want a hobbit for my very own. But they didn't follow the book very well. There were all these random orcs popping up everywhere, and the dialogue consisted of short, pithy, emotional statements that Tolkein would never have written. I don't think I've heard so many panegyrics to friendship since my last episode of My Little Pony. But it was good overall, and bound to make a lot of money and stimulate the economy (ish). So that's all beautiful.

You know, I want some chocolate, since I have gotten about five pounds of it for Christmas, but I don't know if I dare venture into the other room to get some. It's dark and all. There might be rogue CIA agents hanging about just waiting for a single slip of mine. Actually, wouldn't it be the FBI? I always thought they were interchangeable, but since gov, I've realized that the various parts of the government are actually distinct and separate. Like, the Department of the Treasury can't constitutionally go out and coin money (like I thought they did). So anyway, is it the FBI that I actually fear? It must be. They seem less threatening somehow, don't they? I don't know what it is. F seems like a nice friendly letter (being that it starts the word "friendly" and all). Although it's not that friendly or welcome if it show up on your report card. Now I digress, probably permanently, but speaking of which, apparently there's something called an XF which you can get on your report card. It signifies cheating and failing the class, and it prevents the bearer of it from ever being accepted to a professional school. Some girl in Zac's school got one after she cheated in Organic Chemistry, and now can she not only not go to medical school (ever), she can't even fall back into pharmacy or public health! Sucks, man! But she kind of deserves it. I mean, I don't want my doctor to have cheated his way through school. Puts you off a little, you know. Still, there are lots of people out there who are so hardcore they never get caught. That's not good. People are so dumb, ugh. I once considered cheating-once. I was taking the PSAT, and I couldn't figure out the math section. There were about five minutes left, and I was completely brain dead. I was sitting at a small table across from a girl who had told me before the test started that she was good at math, and the proctor was nowhere in sight. It would have been the easiest thing in the world to glance casually across the table and get the answers (since she'd shown her work very conveniently). I considered this for about half a second, and then got offended at myself for the very notion. I'm not puritanically moral or anything, but my ego is too big to take credit for answers that aren't mine. Whatever I get, I get, but I'm going to be the one to get it, you know? Not doing something by my own merit, but getting credit for it anyway-that's what would turn me into a stereotypical white person. And that's something I totally don't want to be. Damn. I'm racist. What the hell! Ah, well. Everyone has their flaws. (I seem to have more than most, but that is neither here nor there) You know, I really like the Ramones. What is wrong with me? Maybe that's a flaw. But they're just so drawing! (I don't think that's the best word for the situation) I also like rap. It makes me happy (which it shouldn't, really, but dear me, joy is joy). Now, although it's only 3:30 in the morning, I'm quite tired, so, although it makes me feel like the most taciturn of manly warriors, I shall hie myself to bed. I do need my beauty rest after all. How else am I going to find a nice capitalist to date?