Move bitch! Get outta da way! I like that song so. It makes me feel cool. I should download some more rap. I have no time, though. It's very sad. I may be on break, but everyone around me still has a very strong opinion about how I should be spending my time. And, more pressingly, iTunes has gotten a new format, and I don't know how to put album covers in any longer. It shouldn't bother me to not have them, but if I don't, it looks so sloppy. Just a big-ass eighth note, which, as we all know, would be a terrible album cover. So not legit. Wait. Why don't people say "illegitimate" instead? It sounds much better. I think I'll start saying that. True, people might start thinking I have some extra children kicking about, but what is that in the grand scheme of things? It adds to my mystique and grandeur. On a further linguistic note, I've been wondering all day (ever since it occurred to me), if someone is full of mettle, are they mettlesome? Or are they perhaps metallic? Or are they a metallurgist? Or is it something completely strange like "metlet?" That might be it. Has a nice sound, it does. I think I will start promulgating all about the world (if I can find anyone who is indeed possessed of the aforementioned mettle).
Wonderful. Zac is bragging about his ability to use people. I think he wants us all to admire him and tell him that he is a veritable Hank Rearden and write poems about his magical abilities of usury (wait, that's something different). But I will not. I must hold firm! I won't even tell him that his immorality is depravity in itself. In fact, I won't even recognize it as immorality. Cuz I don't think it is. Ugh, now he's talking about how attractive he is to women. Even if he were (which he isn't), I wouldn't talk about that with him. It's gross. If he would keep his sadly platonic love affairs away from me, that would be perfect. It's not like I go around talking about my men. Wait, yes I do. Whenever any one of them says something particularly hilarious, I feel it incumbent upon me to share the joy with everyone around me. Is that bad? Hmm. I suppose it might be a little rude. I should stop. But some of the things really are the most delightfully terrible things ever! One piece of artwork from one of my poetic admirers included the lines, "I love you but you don't care/I want to feel your silky hair/Your face so fair, your curves just right/Zeus would call you Aphrodite" (Naturally, I've fixed the numerous spelling, capitalization, and punctuation errors in the original). It's so good, isn't it? So meaningful and deep. I think any girl would fall in love after receiving it. The implied mispronunciation of "Aphrodite" just adds to the drama, because, you know, it shows that he's willing to eschew traditionality for the sake of his great amour. Poor boy. I hope he never finds out how much I mock him behind his back.
Lest the cruel world decry me as the bitchiest of bitches, let me hasten to add that every time I text him, he asks for tit pics (which I never give him), and his facebook is filled with misogynist, chauvinist, and very misspelled statements which would be an affront to anyone with a modicum of social sense (not to mention grammatical sensibility). And, though this means nothing but to those as shallow as I, he is extraordinarily ugly and bad at violin (though he thinks he is a paragon of both virtues). So.
I fell down today. It was very embarrassing. I was at Market Night with Kitty (though there wasn't any), and we saw a creepy-ass lady skulking around in an alley, so we took off running down the sidewalk as if loan sharks were after us. My foot met a crack in the concrete (which is a song, by the way), and I went sprawling on my face. Kitty shrieked aloud, but I am proud to say that I uttered not a sound (except perhaps a manly grunt upon sitting up). I don't feel any more assured of my freedom from a degenerative disorder, but I do bear some battle scars, so I suppose that's one thing. All men have lacerations on them at all times, do they not? Now I can change my name to Aragorn and live as a true king (as I think he later becomes one). I can rule with tact and power, create a stable economy, draft a new constitution, and establish trade all over Middle Earth (by the way, are they in the Middle Ages? It seems they should be). I'm still stuck on tariffs, though. Of course, free trade is most efficacious, but would it be good to do away with them altogether? I sort of feel that it wouldn't. But maybe it would! Ugh. I kept myself up half the night a couple weeks ago debating with myself on this selfsame issue. The next day, as I sat in calc at 7:30 AM, I thought that I would cheerfully help the first person to mention border regulation to regulate the one between earth and space, but that's neither here nor there. Suffice to say that I would enjoy myself in the government and leave it at that (though being in the supreme court would be best by far).
Zac has not grown any less self-absorbed, but he has grown more audacious. At dinner just now, he proudly told us how he had taken offense at something one of his friend's parents had said (which was not offensive at all, incidentally), and had offered a sharp retort. Dear oh dear. He used to only be a brat to us. Now he is becoming a common arsehole. I hope he won't disgrace the family name. I know how Elizabeth Bennet feels now. Dad is the mom, and Zac is Lydia, and Sungmin is Kitty, and Kitty is probably Jane or something. I don't want to sound like an egoist, but I could be a Lizzie. I really think I could. Except for the marrying Darcy part, I don't have much of a hankering to do that. He is quite foul and redolent of S-hole. What am I going to do about Zac? Until he grows up, he won't get anywhere (and if Dad is an indication, I don't think he will ever truly grow up). Sometimes (and more often nowadays) I feel older than he, which is quite bad, because obviously I am not at the peak of maturity either. I don't talk much at our family table anymore, partially because Zac never shuts his mouth, and partially because he never listens to what I have to say. If I say anything, anything at all, even if it is related to his pet topic (himself), he will sniff, say something rude, roll his eyes, and sweep on. Everything I say seems to incense him, and though he irritates me as well, I no longer feel that it would be proper to argue with him. I used to be argumentative and dangerous, whatever happened? I still say rude things, but they aren't provocative of fighting anymore. I don't know, I honestly don't know- is this change for the better? I'd like to say I don't get involved in pettiness anymore, but that's not true. I'm just as small-minded as the next person, maybe more. Still, when everyone starts criticizing Dad, for example, I can't bring myself to join in anymore. I even stop them sometimes, especially when they have no reason to do it. But then I feel disloyal, which is completely silly, because hasn't my dad a right to defense, and haven't I a right to act for him? It's only constitutional-everyone has a right to it. I can't call myself an attorney or a justice by any means if I can't adhere to my principles even outside the courtroom. Even if it weren't for that, though, I'd still not want to join everyone else in making a scapegoat of him. He may be annoying and weird and dreadfully ADD, but I'm starting to see that he is sometimes also misunderstood. Like me, he likes to say things just to say them, but unlike me, he doesn't understand the effects they cause. And I don't think he understands why everyone wants to jump on him all the time. When Mom throws a barb his way out of the blue, or when Zac blows up at him because of his tone of voice, he has no recourse but to get angry, because that's his only defense. His mind is uncommonly good, but it doesn't move fast, and even if it did, he can't understand fully what's going on. I'm not saying he's innocent of all wrong, he's not, but he's not the black sheep that everyone seems to think he is. I fully admit I used to be the worst of the worst, never talking to him but to scream, but I'm trying to change. No one else seems to be. Anyway, that's my rant- it's been annoying me for awhile. This all makes me sound like I think I'm a saint, doesn't it? Oh dear. I suppose Ayn Rand must be getting to me more than I thought.
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