Let's see... what did we do today.
1. (almost) got humiliated
2. had to talk to a jerk (and a perv)
3. had to be critisized non-stop for three hours, and
4. had to wear hid-ee-oos clothes for those self same three hours.
Joyful day.
At least my hair is shiny from the new pomegranate sorbet shampoo.
Not that anyone notice.
Notices, that should be.
Oh yeah, you know yesterday's blog post? Did you notice how it kind of had no html and no paragraphs? That was because mr. stoopid idiot blogger gmail google manager wrecked like two of my htmls, so I erased all of them without finding out what was wrong. Now it looks bad. Crud.
Jade is trying to get Zac to go to her birthday party at the mall in March. (Isn't it a bit early to be planning this?) She, apparently, wants to humiliate him in front of her friends. Can you see why Zac wishes to abstain from this noble outing? He liketh not the Abercrombie And Bitch. (I don't either! It's so preppy!!!! Same with Ralph Lauren! EW) Anyways. So, she wants me and Kitty to come instead. Poor Kitty gets to be babied by a whole bunch of high school students and a mom. (and a dad.) I'm sure she'll enjoy this.... muwahahaha! I am SO hoping Miss Girl Dog doesn't deign to grace us with her unpleasance. If she does, I'll have to pull out all my cheap shots, such as, "Oh, I loooove the way you do your hair! Do you use Crisco, or margarine?" or "If you repeat a grade, do you have to wear all the fashions from that last year too?" or even, "I once knew someone exactly like you, dear! It was, um, let me see. Yes, it was the cow at the petting zoo!" Buttttttt, that would hurt her heart. And make her cry. And other things. Good. No, I'm kidding. Maybe the poor girl is such a bitch because no one has ever been nice to her before! Maybe I should be all Torhu and give her homemade cookies and a manicure!
Me: TiiiiiTiiiiiii!!!! Hiiiiiii!
TiTi: Ewwww, what are you saying, loser?
Me: It's nice to see you again! What's up?
TiTi: Obviously, you.
Me: Huh? (perky)
TiTi: You're obviously high. I hate you, and you hate me. What is there left to say?
Me: Oh, I'm sorry! Did you have a rough day? *hug* Let me make you some tea! *pulls out teapot and a stove right in the middle of the crowded mall)
TiTi: EW! I HATE tea! I only drink Draino!
Me: Oh! let me fix you up a niiiice glass of that, then!
TiTi: You drink it yourself, you loser!
Me: I'm so sorry you feel that way! Would you like some cookies?
TiTi: The only cookies I ever associate with are on the Google search engine! Shut the hell up!
Me: Google! I love that! What do you look up?
TiTi: (who looks up gay porn) Er, um, nunnayerbiznatch, loser!
Me: Hahahaha! (laugh)
TiTi: Now what are you laughing at?
Me: Oh, I'm sorry!
TiTi: You should be!
Me: Ok, if you say so!
*cute guy comes out without TiTi noticing)
TiTi: I DO say so! You're such a fucking nerd! Why are you so NICE! I hate you! Go die!
Cute guy: shut the fuck up, wannabe.
TiTi: What!
Cute guy: Shut the fuck up, wannabe.
TiTi: What!
Cute guy: Shut the fu-
TiTi: I HEARD YOU! Why are you picking on me!
Cute guy: Because you're being a douchebag.
TiTi: Am not!
Cute guy: Yes, you are. How do you think you're making Jasmine feel?
Me: Hey, I don't mind.
Cute guy: Yes you do. Quit being so freakin nice!
TiTi: WELL I NEVER! (flounces out, presumably to indulge in some top-of-the-line Draino)
Cute guy: What's up, Jas? Wanna go out with me again? Or do you still have your memories arased?
Me: Nope! I remember you now!
(kiss)
(curtain)
OOps, that was a bit longer than nessacary. But oh well. Who cares. I just hope TiTi The Asshole Of The Wannabes doesn't come. She would make it less of a party and more of a... ok, there has to be a clever slogan to put here.
...
Oh whatever. Let's just say TiTi puts the ass in aspirin and leave it at that. Aspirin, OD that is.
Nyah.
My concert is tomorrow. Woooo! I'm so... happy.... Not really, actually. Who do I hang out with, besides The Rainbow Girls and the Jasmine Haters Of America? The puppy? He did say hi to me. Or I can talk to.... random people....
Ah, heck. I think I'll just go play on the elevators and get chewed out by oncoming concert goers. "My! What a cute little girl! But aren't you supposed to be in the green room, dearie?" "JASMINE! GET BACK IN THE GREEN ROOM! WE WILL TALK LATER!" Me: Yes ma'am! *runs away fast*
As you can see, it will be a great adventure. Almost as fun as the time I dropped a brick of frozen tofu on my toes.
Crud, Mom's up. G2g!
Byebye!
xoxoxo~♥~
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