That title was an allusion to the book Tuesdays with Morrie, by the way. I haven't actually read it, but I've heard copious praise of it from Austin, so I feel like it's an old friend at this point.
Blehhh, speaking of which, I miss my Austin so much. I made the mistake of downloading Next Year, which is the first sing he sang to me, and now I can't listen to it without getting sad. I also listened to I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing and all these other songs and now I'm all melancholy. I feel really sappy, but what can you do? I'm listening to Carry On Wayward Son now; hopefully that will put me into a better frame of mind so I can go take care of the errands I need to do without wandering along in a gloomy haze, absent-mindedly singing Two Door Cinema Club to myself, and getting weird looks from everyone around me, which I will ignore because I will be so lost in my malaise. I feel like that might garner a bit of Durko-hood here, and that's something I definitely don't need.
Okay, when this song is done, I'll go out and mail my checks, and be productive. I guess Melissa will just have to find her own way into our room, because I sure as shootin' ain't gonna leave it unlocked like she does. I have a lot of stuff in here, and I don't want to have any of it stolen, you feel me? I mean, how would I live without my Daisy Bell? And my violin is pretty important. And okay, what if some destitute wrangler decided to come in and help herself to all my panties so she wouldn't have to buy her own? That wouldn't be a very good turn of events. It would make me feel like quite the scarlet woman to go about campus with nothing between me and the breeze.
Okay, I'm back! I went out to do my errand, and then I decided to explore the math building on the way back to my dorm. Let me tell you, it's quite the magical place (or should I say "mathical?"), replete with graphs built into the floor tiles and a marble sculpture of a Fibonacci spiral in the foyer. It was almost completely deserted, though, so it was a little scary to walk around in there by myself, even though I did have my key in my hand to puncture the puncturable parts of anyone who tried to accost me. I wish I'd been able to bring my pocket knife with me on the plane. It would have made me feel safer. Walking around by myself is quite the scary ordeal, I'll have you know, and though I've been hit on too many times to count and have walked away to tell the tale, I'm always sure that each time I go out carelessly will be my last. I don't think I would feel as nervous if I were at a different school, but this one is known for its animalistic football players, and I'm never sure who has good intentions and who doesn't. Man, I gotta get me a cannon. Then I can wheel it around with me wherever I go, and no one will dare to come close to me. Everyone can call me Jasmine the Cannon or The Loose Cannon or Cannon in D(efeat), or something witty like that, and I will gain the respect of everyone on campus. But in the meantime, I just carry my key with me, and hope that I can protect myself with it.
I sliced my finger open on Friday. It was very dramatic. Maybe I cut it at the wrong angle, or maybe it was a cursed blade (Gillette razor, really, but let's use poetic diction, shall we?), but the poor thing bled for half an hour, rather copiously, before it finally slowed down, and I still can't type normally, because it still hurts a bit when I touch it. I took pictures of it, and sent them around to people so that they could appreciate the drama of the moment as well as I without having to go through the same ordeal. Cool and interesting as it was, I hope this won't happen every time I try to shave my legs. It would be a costly price to pay for the silky-smoothness we all so covet. Although winter is coming soon, so I won't really need to shave as much, because I'll always be wearing tights. Then again, maybe I should, just in case my hallmates and I decide to have a naked pillow fight or something. Those are common occurrences in college, aren't they? That and beer pong, and both of those activities might well culminate in everyone seeing me strip, so perhaps I'd better shave anyway, just to be on the safe side. Now I sound like a gross gorilla. Oh dear. Well, nothing to do about that. It's a way of life, and it is natural and beautiful for all its naturalness.
Yesterday, I went to the local church again. It's really the African-American church, so I feel like a bit of a cultural appropriator, but where else am I supposed to go? Everyone is so nice and friendly, and I love the music, and they are very vigilant about helping students, so it really seems like the best option. Also, it's the church in charge of the church school where I'm going to start the CKC– Ohio branch program, so that's a deciding factor right there too. But anyway, where was I? Oh yes. So I went there, and everyone was so nice, and the pastor from whom I got a ride last week invited me to lunch again, but at a different person's house this time, so I went along. It was really awkward, but it was tolerably so, and I got free food, so I didn't have to buy dinner, so that was nice. It was really good food too, and they gave me a whole lot of it. Very nice of them, I do appreciate it. The kids are all so cute too! They keep talking to me and wanting to play with me and all. That one little girl from the potluck last week saw me at church and came running up to give me a hug, and it was so cute. Maybe I can be a mom yet.
Man, I'm sleepy. Why is that? I got enough sleep yesterday, I think, and I didn't get up early today or anything (quite the opposite, in fact), and I got coffee to boot. Maybe it's the weather. It's kind of hot, but it's also cloudy and drowsy, and it's four in the afternoon, which is a sleepy time, so that's probably all. I don't have narcolepsy, no, not at all. Don't gotta worry about that. But you know, my sleep schedule is really messed up. I should probably sort that out before the semester gets into full swing. What if I go to bed when Melissa does, at the unreasonably early hour of 11:00? I don't even know if I'd be able to fall asleep that early. I could try, I guess. But then I couldn't talk to my babe. So that would be a detriment to my psyche and quality of life overall. Oh dear, whatever shall I do? I must figure this out someday. I can't let my poor sleep hygiene interfere with my schoolwork. So far, it's not done so, but I feel like I might sleep in one morning and miss my classes (all of them) and then I'll fall behind and not be able to catch up and fail the semester and have to go to Compton Community College after all. And that's not as unfounded a fear as you might think. My logic class moves extremely fast, and no matter how easily I can grasp the concepts once I'm taught them, I still couldn't figure them out myself if I missed a lecture. Opera, too, moves fast, and in Lit, it's important not to miss anything, because it all comes back to haunt you in recitation. Now, if I skipped a couple of those two horrible humanities scholars' classes, I think I would be impacting my life in quite a positive way, but unfortunately, attendance is a big part of the grade in both, so I can't skip more than one, and I want to save that one for when I'm lying on my deathbed, diseased and delirious and unable to get out of my dorm. I hate those classes so much though, not just because they preclude me from taking choir or another academic class, but because they're full of horrible people, and they're boring and useless and promulgate values which are detrimental to the well-being of society as a whole. I mean, they preach oneness of our own little tight-knit community, but they exclude outsiders, and they don't care about what happens to anyone on the outside. In fact, there's an undercurrent of the Puritan saints-vs-strangers going on, and it's positively primeval. Shouldn't we be past that sort of thing by now? Homeless people don't exist to be the butt of your jokes, and neither do ethnic minorities, or women, or anyone else, for that matter. It makes me really uncomfortable to hear the stuff they come up with, and it's troubling to realize that everyone else is buying into either the white-savior complex or the idea of the elect, or both, and we're about to unleash a whole horde of socialite justice warriors onto the world. But if I don't willingly help with their soirees and zombie movie parties and self-congratulatory meetings and sundry other means of bettering the world around them, I'll fail the classes, and won't get my 4.0 and life will be ruined forever. So I have to do this stuff, and pretend I like it. UGH.
Where was I before I started in on the Privilege Power Party? I'm not sure. Well, I suppose I better start off anew. So, what shall I get for dinner today? I can go to the Union across the street, but I'm really not sure about the state of the Union sometimes (zing), because they never seem to have anything that someone would want to eat. I could also go to the so-called Marketplace on Neil street, but that place is further away, and it's always crowded, and I hate getting food in crowds, especially by myself. I could seek out another of those places that take food blocks, but they all close ridiculously early on weekends (for some strange reason), so I don't know if I'd be able to find one in time. This is all so difficult! Maybe I will forego dinner tonight. I mean, I had actual food for breakfast instead of just coffee (admittedly, it was just a donut, but you know), so perhaps I can last the day. What do you think? Or maybe I can go mug some little freshmen and steal their lunch money. Wait, I am a little freshman. I guess I could try my luck at the local high school then.
The Tchaikovsky violin concerto is one of the most perfect pieces of music ever written. Or at least that's what I think whenever I hear it (as I am doing now). How did he do it? What was his secret? It makes me melt every time (which, I realize, is quite a weird way of putting it, but I am nothing if not a corporeal representation of eccentricity), and I only wish that someday I could create something so beautiful. I've played the Canzonetta, but I didn't do it justice. I wish someday I could play the whole thing and play it like it should be played. It's a work of art, it really is!
It's only 94 days until I go home! It seems like forever, though. I hope it goes by quickly. There are parts of this life I like, but then there are parts of my other life I miss overwhelmingly (i.e Austin), and it'll be so nice to go home and see my family and friends again and take normal showers and eat enough food and sleep until the cows come home, and not feel awkward at every turn, and have time to read as much as I want, and have a beautiful life! I am so excited, you don't even know. I feel like it will be hard for me to leave, though. I think I'll do some transfer applications when they come out, just in case I feel like transferring, and just in case we can afford it. I would have to start over again at the new school, but that's okay, isn't it? I've done it once, I can do it again. I would feel like such a wimp, though. So maybe that would haunt me all my life. I dunno. I guess we'll see!
Okay, I don't feel tired anymore, but now I feel like going out to fight dragons and raise hell, and I don't know if that's any better. I mean, what hell is there to raise around here? I guess I could go around punching people in the throats, but somehow that doesn't seem very polite. I dunno. What if I damaged their vocal chords permanently? Maybe I should start an anarchist group or something. That's what people do when they're restless, right? I could wear my leather jacket and boots and stomp around yelling obscenities at anyone or anything I deem to be evocative of "the man," and everyone will love me. Well, no, that would go against the point of my movement, but they will love the freedom I will bring to the world. Live free or die!
Oh, that's right, Melissa is out at a retreat for her glee club, and it's going to last until 8, so maybe I should get food before then so I can eat it in private. How long do you think it will take me to get food? Probably about half an hour, right? And then it'll take me about an hour to eat it (because I'm pretty sure I could get a Guiness world record in slow eating), so I should probably leave at about 6 or 6:30. Wow, that's really early. I don't like eating so early. Oh well. I'd rather eat early and be unreasonably and distractingly hungry at night than eat with people around. So there we go. I wish I were normal, I sure do.
Okay, I should probably do some political science stuff here. I have to take a quiz, and before I do it, I want to review my notes so that I'll keep up my record of perfect scores. Let's go, Jasmine! You can do this! Time to think about international relations. I really like the course, by the way. It's very interesting. I don't like that it's online, but I like the material, so it all balances out in the end! Okay, time to go. Bye now!
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