yong xue is my new name.

It means Eternal Snow. 永 雪。
This family is reeeeeeeeeeeeally starting to be pissing me off! Dang it, shut UP already! Dad has deemed it necessary to check my data notebook for gay-o, and now he is making comments derogatory to my intellect and general talent in the way of writing up labs. Plus, he is now considering asking the teacher why the hell his little girl isn't making straight A's in the class. I'm sure you can imagine why this might not be a lovelylicious idea. Can you not? Yes, I'm glad you have such good empathy.
But, now that you mention it, why the hell AREN'T I making straight A's in the class? It's not like it's a hard class. Ok, yes, it is. But does that matter? Most people can do it! Most people, however, are also smart. Or at least smarter than I am. But let us not delude ourselves that... uh....
Whatever.
I utterly hate my life right now. Utterly. It's like a meaningless black hole that I'm continuously sinking into. I might stop or slow down sometimes, but that's not enough, so I just keep on goin'. I hate to sound emo and selfish, but, dear me, what is this blog, if not a place to BE emo and selfish? It seems it would just be a page of meaningless pratings. And who would like to look at that? (Hopefully, no one would like to look at this either, but that is besides the point.)
Life is like an empty chocolate box- you think it's going to be full of diverting surprises and sweet things, but when you take a look, the only things it contains are dust, disappointment, and emptiness. (And maybe a few empty wrappers.) It's a funny thing, life. It's so short, and yet when you think about it, it's way too long. Why are we alive? Why are we here? What is our purpose on the earth? And how come some people's purpose appears to be to annoy the living daylights out of me? It is indeed a mystery. Maybe I should become a philosopher and figure these things out. It would at least be an easy A. Think of it! For your term paper, all you need to do is justify your opinion with whatever made-up crap you care to think of! Easy. Dad would probably be excellent at it.
Why am I still here when lots of more deserving people are dead or unhappy? So many good and kind people are six feet under, while I, the most selfish bitch on the planet, am enjoying anything life (or even my family) cares to throw my way. It's not right. It's not fair. I definitely should do something about it.
...Yeah, so I'm going to punish myself for being alive. Is that a problem? Does it make your little heart feel bad? Well, too bad. I'm not going to be anyone's little doll anymore. And I'm not going to get in anyone's way anymore.
Mark started talking to me on Sabbath like nothing was wrong. I was so astounded that all I could do was insult him vehemently with almost every sentence that came from between my lovely and glossy lips. He didn't appear to care either. Why should he? His girlfriend is a freaking JUNIOR! She's probably a tomboy too. AND has all A's on her report card. And doesn't eat like a caveman who just got done with whipping a horned wooly mammoth to death in his underwear. In 40 degree weather. Who hasn't eaten in five days. And who was previously watching America's Got Talent cooking division. (Is there such a thing?) But anyhow, she's probably completely perfect. Why me? Why is life so sucky? Why is it like a dark hole of blackness that just won't get any better?
And why am I not bleeding so much now? On Friday, I had to scrape that darn safety pin back and forth like 20 times before even a little blood started showing through my surprisingly thick epidermis! Grrr.....
Oh! Maybe that mysterious "Eppi" in my class is actually named "Epidermis"! I never thought of that before! Oh! Now I understand! I see why he didn't want to tell us his name! (Well, would you, if your name were Epidermis? His parents must be raving psychopaths.)
I went trick-or-treating yesterday, Now I'm gonna be fat.
Not that I'm not already.
Oh well. I need to go. Dad wants to have the computer so he can watch some screwball video, ner mind I was doing homework. Well, see you!
If I don't kill myself first.
Just kidding.
I think.

xoxo~♥~