Summertime and the Living's Not Easy

Metaphorically speaking, I'm in hell. Literally speaking, I'm also in hell, because I feel that it would be poetic justice if I were punished with living over this period of my life for all eternity. See, Mom has finally gotten tired of Dad's shit, and she's divorcing him, and he is NOT taking it well. I've never seen him this way before, and it's terrible. As always, I'm the psychotherapist for both, which is going to take a lot more alcohol than we have in the house right now. I sympathize with my mom, of course, because who wouldn't after what my dad has done, but at the same time, he is my dad, and I hate seeing him like this. He's begging all of us for a second chance, for forgiveness, and for love, and I'm pretty sure I'm the only one willing to grant that to him. But really. This is the only way to do it. We can't live this way anymore, none of us can, and this is long overdue. Still, it's making everything absolutely awful, and I don't think I'm handling things well. Sure, I look good on the outside- especially compared to Xander, who got totally violent in the therapist's office- and I'm doing a pretty good job of making sure everyone stays sober and fairly cheerful, but my head's in a whirl, and I don't know what to do. Really, it's not a big deal, because there are people whose families beat them and starve them and worse, and at the end of the day, I know my parents care about us all in their way, so we're not as badly off as we could be. But we're still not doing so well with this, and I don't like anything about my life right now. Cesar tried to text me to tell me about his problems, and I'm glad to help, but I feel like I'm probably the worst person ever to ask. Then again, though, of how many psychologists could it be said, "physician, heal thyself"? Maybe I'm right for the job after all. I'm also concerned about my siblings. Heaven knows I'd do anything to protect them, but I don't think this is something I can shield them from, and that's terrible too. Like, this is happening, and we all have to deal with it in our own way. Which, judging from Xander's behavior, I don't think we all can, at least not immediately, and that's yet another thing for me to feel bad about. Maybe I should have taken summer school in LA. No, but it's best that I'm here for this, so I can be here for anyone who needs me (which will probably be everyone). I still feel useless, though. Man, after this, I will have all the makings of a grade-A psychologist. Maybe I should change my major.