I feel much better today, probably because my complete solitude and my ten hours of sleep. I'm ready to take on anyone, so if someone wants to argue about politics or the economy, or literature, or anything like that, I'm all yours. Now, I feel quite the misanthrope saying this (Moliere should write a sequel play about me), but I'm very pleased with my splendid isolation so far. It's so rejuvenating, and it's an immense relief to not have to worry about people judging me in everything I do. The only eyes on me are Big Brother's, and that's something about which I'm not too worried, because I'm far from convinced that the government gives a single bother about my life. Melissa is a lovely person, and I'm glad that she's my roommate, but even her company palls before the joy of solitude. I feel a bit Byronic now, wasn't his schtick (one of them) that he doesn't love man any less but he loves nature (and solitude) more? That sounds Emersonian too, now that I think about it. Well, that would make sense, them belonging to the same movement and all. Speaking of Emerson, I went to the library yesterday (quite a surprise, I know), and I was reading philosophy, and I found a book comparing Nietzsche and Emerson, and it was really interesting! I hadn't thought about the juxtaposition before, but it kind of makes sense. Emerson's a little more socially acceptable, though. But yeah, there you have it. I really like philosophy, it's so interesting, but I don't think I have much of a natural aptitude for it at all.
Okay, it's a few days later (I left this sitting on my computer and forgot about it), and now I'm at the library with Melissa. She came back depressed after her weekend at home, and unwilling to be back, and, though it sounds terrible, I was also unwilling for her to be back. It was so lovely to have the room to myself, and no one can deny the fact. I've never thought about it much before, but I really value my solitude. It gives me a chance to recharge. Which is funny, because I've always thought I was an extrovert, albeit a shy one, but now that I've gotten a chance to see myself in action, I've realized that in actuality, I'm not one. Yes, I like talking to people, and if they're people I like, I can go a long way before getting tired (and then even if I'm tired, I sometimes want to talk more), but in the end, too much social contact tires me out and I have to go sit by myself for awhile and recharge my batteries. I didn't notice this in high school, because I got to go home at the end of the school day and spend my evenings in seclusion, if I pleased, or out and about, if that struck my fancy, and then I could be alone at night as well. So I always got recharged, and I didn't realize that talking to people emptied me. But now I realize it does! So I guess I'm an introvert after all, just like every single other person in my family. It gets so quiet in our house sometimes, especially after we've all been out, because we all want to rest up and get back to normal. I miss it.
It's the next day now! I wonder if this post will ever get published. I'll probably just work on it every day for a bit and it will become an ongoing tale of the pitfalls of my life. Maybe I can publish it; I know captivity narratives are very popular in the American tradition, and I am definitely being held captive here by nothing but my own pride. Wow, that sounded really melodramatic, and it wasn't even supposed to. I only meant that if I weren't so filled with hubris, I would have sucked it up and gone to CSULB and not worried about the shame or the less-than-perfect linguistics department. I kind of wish I had now, because I wouldn't have to deal with the horrible weather, and I could be near my friends, and Austin, of course, and I could see my family sometimes, and it would be cheaper, and I would be in LA, but even now, I don't regret my decision. I'd choose this school again, and I don't care who knows it. I'm proud and stubborn, and I'm stickin to my guns! But if I were to transfer, that would be acceptable. I wonder... Maybe I'll look into that a bit.
You know, I was saying a long time ago that OSU was going to be my clean slate, and since I'm not currently having a fit of depression and/or anxiety, I can verify that this is still true. I got perfect scores on two of my midterms (poly sci and opera) and decent grades on the others (99 in English– highest in the whole class– and 97 in Linguistics, probably also highest in the class), and I've been getting at least 95 on all my other assignments (knock on wood). I don't have to study much, and I do my homework on time. Academically, I'm doing really well, and I'm quite proud! Otherwise, I'm not as excellent, but let's ignore that for the moment. After next semester, I'll be done with my GE classes, thanks to the 50-something hours of AP credit I brought in with me, and I can jump into my major requirements without a fuss. If I can graduate in three years, that would be splendid, and if I can do it with an English minor (and I suppose that music minor, sigh), that would be even better. I feel kind of pathetic not double-majoring, but I don't know what else I'd major in. I like a lot of things, and I'm not half-bad at a lot of things (stupid humanities things, but still), but I feel like it might take too long. Not a lot of things overlap with linguistics, see, so even though I've knocked my GE classes out of the way, I'd still have to take care of two sets of major requirements. What would I choose? I'd love, love, love, to major in English, of course, but that's out, and I shouldn't even raise my hopes thinking about it. Political science would go well with my future ambitions of lawyer-hood, and I like it, and I'm pretty good at it, if I do say so myself. I was considering majoring in it, actually, if linguistics didn't pan out (only I was too ashamed to express such a plebeian plan to anyone else). Something like economics or business would be fun and would stimulate my brain a lot, but it's not what I'm best at, and I think I should stick with what comes easily to me (for my major, anyway). A lot of the things I'm best at are really impractical, though. Like, what would you do with a degree in art history, for instance?
Okay, I'm back at my dorm. I have to write an essay for my horrible Humanities scholars group about my strengths. What is this. Why must we do these terrible things? Give me a nice prompt about the economy or something, and I'm ready to go, but this, man, this is cruel and unusual punishment and is by all rights unconstitutional. Well, here we go. I'm a live wire!
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