Je-june

Cuz it's June, you see. I'm so hilarious I could just write an epic poem about myself.
You know, I really wanted to have an entry from each month of the year this year, because that would be really cool, kind of like a calendar of the events of my life (whut) but I messed that up, because I didn't write in May. I'm sadder about this than I logically should be; now I have to wait a whole year to try again. May I just say- this is a year without rain. No, that didn't work. I was trying to go for a pun, but it failed. I just am striking out here, aren't I!
Speaking of puns, here is a lovely exchange of wit and wisdom that Sonia and I exchanged while she was whiling away the hours in the airport.
Me: Best of luck in your travels, and may you find felicity and food wherever you go! :D
Sonia: I hope felicity is a cute guy!
Me: Felicity is the cutest of guys!
Sonia: I'll tell him you said hi. :D
Me: Tell him I quite admire his fly attitude ;D
Sonia: I'm sure it will lift his spirits.
Me: It's plane to see; compliments make everyone feel highly flattered.
Sonia: I like making people so happy it feels like they're walking on air.
Me: It makes one feel like an oxygentleman.
Sonia: These cute guys really know how to get you off the ground!
Me: They don't even need wingmen!
Sonia: But I bet they'd make you feel soar in the morning!
Me: That's the uplifting part of the experience. ;D
Sonia: It feels like we're high, man.
Me: Dude, I believe I can fly...
Sonia: I believe I can touch the sky!
Isn't that beautiful? We are such clever and witty souls. And the best part is that we have these brilliant conversations on a very frequent basis. Here is another piece, lovingly transcripted from my phone (is 'transcripted' not a word? Oh dear), just for you.
Sonia: Dude, apparently there's a font called "Coolvetica."
Me: That's font-tastic!
Sonia: It's totally Coolvetica bro!
Me: That was ComicSans-ical. :D
Sonia: Tubes New Roman, dudevetica! (we always describe things as "tubular" you see)
Sonia: Like an Arial backflip!
Me: We're so cool, somone might call the serif on us.
Sonia: We'd have to hide behind the papyrus!
Me: I hope they wouldn't type cast us as being too bold!
Sonia: It highlights our brilliance.
Me: Now that's what I'm essay-ing!
Sonia: They see me scrollin', they hatin'.
Me: They see me writin dirty.
Sonia: What the helvetica!
Me: Itallic like the thug I am baybay!
Me: Incidentally, "WHat the helvetica" could be the name of a sitcom.
Sonia: It's a show about a font designer! "Steve, what are you doing?" "I font love in a hopeless space!"
Me: "Aww, Steve you are such a spacebar!" "But Jim, you have to read the subtext!" (laughtrack) I really think this could be the next big break.
Sonia: And a highlight clip! With bonus attachments!
We're wonderful, you see. We really are. If the world doesn't realize our brilliance, that's just because we are uncommon men. I don't like texting, though. Which is a shame, really, because I have to do it quite a lot. Francisco is always talking to me (which isn't bad, because he's gotten used to me not replying to him, and often he doesn't reply to me either), and Sonia and Allie, of course, and Bonnie and Molly, and all them, and then I have these two new guys too. One of them is the most beautiful man in the world, and I'm convinced of this. His name is Austin, and he looks airbrushed. I first noticed him when we were sophomores, but I was too shy to talk to him, because he was so incredibly gorgeous. But then I started dating Alex last year, and they're good friends, so I got to know him then (which is quite a weird way of fulfilling a dream of a cute guy but oh well), and I realized just how attractive he was, and how funny, and all that, especially compared with my boo, who could barely string together a grammatical sentence without prompting. Then even after Alex and I broke up, I still stayed friends with all his friends, and Kitty's prospective beau is in that group, so that gave us a tie also. That was so rambling and terrible, ugh. Anyway, at the end of the year, I got him to sign my yearbook, and he said that he noticed me when we were sophomores, but he didn't know how to talk to me (and a bunch of other flirty stuff) and ever since then we've been texting every day. And that's my saga. Now where was I? Ah yes. So, the other guy is much less interesting. His name is Ethan, but he is in no way a Last Puritan. He asked me to prom in front of everyone in my Art History class (he's the TA), and I turned him down made him late to class. He's asked me out at least four times since then, and it may be more, but I'm not good at determining when someone is asking me out, so it's difficult to say. I guess he's not good at determining when someone is turning him down, though, so maybe we're even. He's so annoying! I don't even! He has like a 2.0 or something, because he "doesn't try," although I'm pretty sure that trying isn't the issue here. He's taking a lot of AP classes, which I would admire, except he's not doing well in any of them. Even if he did understand the material (which would take a miracle in of itself), he still would barely be passing, because he does quite literally nothing. He's still the most arrogant little conceited prick on earth, though, and never misses an opportunity to pump himself up. And he has that annoying way of flirting that some guys have where he tries to make me feel bad about myself all the time. Obviously, it'll take more than a few immature and poorly-crafted jibes from a prepubescent ne'er do well to make a dent in my ego, but it's really irritating to have to listen to his nasally snort all the livelong day. Now, don't think I'm some sort of elitist snob (although I am) for disliking the poor guy just because he isn't smart; it's his personality that bothers me the most. And his weaselly looks. And his grating voice. And his stalkerish persistence. And the fact that he's a junior. And his inability to grasp anything but the simplest concepts. Oh no, that was about his intellect (or lack thereof) wasn't it. Man! Well, I guess I'm a snob then.
Well. That was quite a bit about my social life. How terrible. How vapid. How trite. Next I'll be talking about my personal problems. Oh wait...
You know, it feels so weird to be out of high school. I still haven't quite grasped the idea that I've graduated and am really and truly a man of the world. Like, am I supposed to have an twinge of pride at some point? Or of excitement? Cuz really, I feel nothing. Maybe I have no emotions. Wouldn't that be interesting? I don't think that's true, though, because I'm pretty sure irritation is an emotion, and that is my modus operandi in this vain vale of tears. Maybe next year, in the midst of a lecture on morphology, or perhaps a presentation on the innate similarities of the Romance languages, I'll suddenly have a flash of realization, stand up, and call out to the world that I know where I am. That would be pretty cool. People would have something to put on their tumblrs.
Man, that Tumblr though! It's like my life force now. I was late to the races in getting one, but now that I have one, I don't know what I'd do without it. Now I can look at cats and recipes and gay porn and indignant protests against certain political parties' platforms all the livelong day! Whoever thought up the idea of the website was a genius. I would like to shake his hand.
Now, although I should like to stay up later than this, I really shouldn't, because our first pair of students of the day have kindly and helpfully decided to move their lesson to 10 in the morning so they can go off and party in the afternoon. The little titches. How dare they have a social life? Doesn't go with the ascetic lifestyle that we champion here, you see. Anyway, time for bed. Goodnight!
Ooh, here's my chance. Goodnight? Oh no! The hour is ill/which severs those it should unite/let us remain together still/then in will be goodnight!
Call me a romantic, but I love Shelley (zing!). Ok, but good night for real.