Long Jasmine Silver

Get it cuz it's a long post hahaha lol lol lol

What am I even doing with my life.

Really, though. What am I doing? It's two in the morning, and I'm just sitting here masturbating. (No I'm not; that was an allusion to that one internet meme. It has quite a nice ring to it, though) I did do quite a lot of math today, though, so I haven't been entirely unproductive. I'm now caught up in my assignments, which is almost a miracle, seeing as I was almost a week behind before. (We don't turn in homework until the day of the test, so there is an almost irresistible temptation to put off doing it until the very last minute) I also started on my poetry assignment. We have to analyze a poem each week and hand it in. It's only the third week, and it's already so annoying. I like poetry, and, though it sounds silly, I like analyzing literature, but it's such a pain to have to do it for an assignment all the time. Plus, we can't just put in any old thing we feel like. Nope, we have to go off the SWIMTAG sheet (or S2W2IM2A2T4G, really), which sounds a lot more fun than it really is. Some of the things in there are really quite difficult. Let's see if I can remember them all... Story, Sounds, Word order, Word choice, Imagery, Meter, Mood, Theme, Tone, Title, Turn, Allusions, Anything unusual (this one is fun), Grammar or syntax. Whee! It gets even lovelier when you realize that some of these things are not actual devices and can't be used when writing essays. I discovered this to my detriment awhile ago when I got a six for talking about the story. Worst grade ever, ugh. I was so ashamed. Tee hee, look at all those "misspelled" words all up in there (the html for the underlined parts breaks the word up, you see). Is "magery" really not a word? It should be. Like, you know, wizardry, but for mages. This is symbolic of the unfairness in the world. But apparently, "heme" is a word. Hmm. I wonder what it means. Let us see. Ah. It is an iron-containing compound of the porphyrin class that forms the nonprotein part of hemoglobin and some other biological molecules. Well, I suppose that makes sense, the "hemo" part and all. I learn something new every day!

I've just finished a box of chocolate. What is wrong with me? Granted, there were only four pieces left, but a box is a box, and if we add those four pieces to the multitude of others I've eaten today, it probably makes up enough confection to feed a Swiss person for a week. Soon I will have to wear a size two for my waist and not just my boobs. Oh no, that sounded horribly pretentious and first-world problematic. But I mean no harm! I merely mean that I am not thin. Or, no, that's not what I mean. What is it that I'm saying? Maybe I should hire a speech writer. Anyway, I soon will have no candy left in the house, and will have to resort to looking at pictures of cakes on the internet. Wait, I already do that. This is why I'm a couch potato.

I was wasting time and just generally puttering around on the internet, and I remembered my other blog I had when I was young and innocent (it was under a different email, and I switched when I made this one. Parenthetically, I now have a new email that is more professional, and I wonder if it would be incumbent upon me to make a new blog still. But let me not interrupt myself overmuch). I read it all the way through (there weren't that many posts), and in the spirit of debutante-ism, I feel that I should share the first post so that it may be compared to the wiles of the pen I wield today. So, here tis. I don't really care to put in the html for all the paragraphs, so it will be in one heady block, but that is something I must face, for the future is now. Here we go:

all right, everyone, this is my blog. this is me. I'm going to write about just what happens in my life so that I can make sense of it all, and relax a little about what happens. today, I get to (oh joy) go to a rehearsal of a new quartet a loose friend of mine made. They want m e to play viola, which most people do, never mind that I'm actually a violinist. Not a good one. My older brother and younger sister are much better. Zac and Kitty (two of my siblings) are really actually very good. Zac went to Aspen music festival for the summer, apparently feeling no remorse for the fact that after this rather titanic drain on our finances Kitty, Sungmin, and I will not be able to attend that prestigious place of many people's dreams-college. Prehaps I exaggerate. At the very least, I having the good fortune to be born second will at least be able to peek inside an esteemed college dorm room for a few scant minutes. Now I'll write about my family. I'm a hapa- half Korean, therefore many people look down on me for my so unfortunate heritage. My oldest brother is named Zac, and is somewhat perfect. His only imperfection is that he has no imperfections, and is too nice and humble to admit to being PG, or Profoundly Gifted (ugh). He wants to be a math major, then economics, thinking philosophy to be too "easy". I already told you! He is a genius (certified)! My younger sister, Kitty, is really good at art, and all of that topic. She does ballet, (and, from what I've heard, is at or near the top of the class), can make stuff, like jewlery, knitted stuff, embroidery, doll clothes, things like that. She's extremely good at music as well, being a good singer and violinist. She's very nice about her accomplishments too, and won't admit to being gifted. She's a little more introverted, but is still able to be fairly popular in orchestra and dance class. She's doing a summer ballet intensive for two months. Then comes the youngest, Sungmin. He's the only one with a Korean name, and the only one who looks Korean. He's very hyper, but lacks control over his emotions. He, being the youngest, is spoiled horrendously, and Kitty and I call him a brat, sometimes to his face which he does NOT enjoy. He appears to be a sports genius, being good at every physical activity that comes his way. He's great at baseball, great at soccor, good at running, good at football. In fact, he's so good at all of these that our mom and dad sign him up for sports things regularly, disregarding the cost. He, I think, may also be profoundly Gifted. (Actually, Kitty seems like she would be too.) He certaintly acts like it, yelling and throwing fits when things don't go his way. It's even scary sometimes, because he seems so unbalanced, except he's really small for his age. And then you have me, Jasmine, your typical teenager. Instead of asking for a calculus textbook for my birthday, I asked for an iPod. (i got it, too) The only e=mc2 i know about is in compact disc form and is sung by Mariah Carey. I'm interested in fashion, lip gloss, shoes, pop music, friendships, and technology. I develop a new crush every week or so (even though I'm homeschooled). Still, guys disgust me. It seems to me like they're all jerks I never want to get married. I don't read that much, and even when I do it's things like 17 and Fruits Basket; I haven't touched a fantasy novel in years. I might play violin, but I find classical music boring, preferring Mos Def to Mozart. I do like drawing, which might be a smart person activity, but I only draw manga style, and couldn't do a Rembrant portrait if my life depended on it. I'm not smart at all, I have no talents. I had a dream I had 165 friends on facebook, woke up elated, then almost started crying when I realized I was still lying in bed. I don't really cry, though, I'm not that sort of person. I'm very, very, happy and hyper, and I dance around the house all day singing. My voice isn't bad, just really high. I'm almost a soprano, and have you ever heard of a solo singer with a voice that high? My dream is to become a pop star, which, lable me crazy and stupid, but I write my own songs. I'm going to make a cd, and then burn it. I think I can, but I need to get the camera (the big on, not mine) back from Aspen first (yes, Zac, the perfect has the camera. Of course he's good at photography which is something else I'm interested in) which can do sound recordings. Oh, yes, he is a perfect one that boy! He just is a little perfectionistic, don't you know, Mrs. Smartpeopleannonymous. Ugh, why can't we be a nice normal family who sends their children to school, who have a TV, who give allowances, who encourage their daughter in her dreams. By the time (two years ago) I worked up the courage to tell my mom I might want to be a scientist, I had changed my mind and I wanted to be a doctor instead. If I even mentioned law school...! Actually, now I'm thinking genetics. That's a subject that I've been interested in all my life, since I was three years old and wondered why I had skinny eyebrows and everyone else in my family had big puffs of fur. Or else, I thought, psychology. But that''s a subject highly ridiculed in our family, and I don't even dare say the word without a large guffaw of laughter greeting the exiting phrase. So, you can see, I'm not ever going to tell anyone my dreams for the future, not even Kitty, whos' like my confidante, because she thinks everything I do sucks, or at least that's what she says. I couldn't even tell my best friend Jade, because she thinks I'm perfect even though I'm a couple of years younger than her. (she likes to ridicule things too). I can't cook good either. My mom is in Chicago currently, attending a scientific meeting. So I, the lucky princess, I get to take care of my entire remaining family until she gets back wenseday. So nice for me, do you not agrree? everyone likes to ridicule my cooking, but that's ok, cause it does suck. Anyway! Enough bitching! I got things to do, like hang up laundry, prank people's rooms (I got the whole house more or less to myself, finally) and sing my songs! So see you tomorrow! bye bye!

Isn't that charming now? I was so different as a child. Looking back, I think it might have been the selfsame malignant strand of anti-intellectualism that has blighted our country over the ages affecting me thus. I'm no fool, even though I do make myself out to be, and I don't care if the world hears me shout it from the very rooftops. But back then, I was more insecure about my intellect than I am now, and I thought I'd cover it up by adopting the most frivolous personality ever. I was an affected little twat, yes I was. Gotta face reality here. Hey, well, you know, it's middle school. That's what everyone and their uncle Ted was like. I wish I could meet the me back then and convince her (or me, I suppose) to own my me-ness and be the woman of the world that I could be. Actually, I wish I could meet me nowadays too. Wouldn't it be fun? I have the sneaking suspicion that I would hate myself, though. I would probably feel an immense sense of competition and try to outdo myself in everything. Maybe I would be envious of my boobs too. Hmm. Well, still, I think it would be extremely interesting and would afford me a fresh new perspective on life. I could probably get quite a decent scholarship essay out of it all too.

Now it's almost three. Why does it take me so long to write these things? I could be doing so much more. Like, I don't know, working on my scholarships. Or something. I'm sure I could come up with something productive to do. Drat, speaking of productivity (or the lack thereof), I have to go to Lisa's senior recital tomorrow. I really don't want to. I bet I'll see a bunch of choir people there, and they'll all be sitting together, and I'll awkwardly sort of fade into the background, in between Mom and Kitty (who are both coming because Lisa knows us all), and curse the day that I ever auditioned for the group. Maybe someone will say hi to me and I will have to wave and politely ask how they're doing and then they will all chuckle because they think that I am a pariah and a veritable Alfonso Durpenhogen, and I will have to go all day wishing that I had been born into the aristocracy of Middle Earth so that I wouldn't face these problems (though I do rather wish I lived there, even without the threat of an overdeveloped social conscience). Damn. See, this is why I hate doing things. You know? I sometimes think that if it were physically possible to download food from the internet, I would be quite happy to sit in my house all the livelong day and never venture outside at all. But, such is my life, and I must live it, for I have no other. (I really have to do something about these pseudo-pithy statements; they're even starting to annoy me)

Oh, tis exactly 3:00. I suppose this is a sign that I should go to bed. Well, then. Goodnight, and goodbye. I shall be back someday. (Naturally, this should be said on the edge of a dock, or a road that stretches into eternity, or something of the sort, with my hair and long billowing cloak flying in the breeze and dramatic music playing in the background. It's all very intense, as I have just saved the city, or something, and now I have to disappear into the shadows so that I can continue to save cities throughout the mists of time. Kind of like a badass version of Cable the X-Man, except not like him at all because he's really annoying.) Oh, well, yes. Having set up a thoroughly beautiful ambience, I really will go to bed. Goodnight now!