September!

Happy September! Well, it's been September for a bit. But I can still wish that it's happy, can't I? Goodness knows we need some happiness up in here.

Dad has somehow gotten a teaching job at La Sierra, teaching remedial math. We all suspect that it's as a courtesy to Xander, and he will crash and burn, but of course we can't say that, and we are all very supportive. And it would be nice if he could earn some money. Mom is reneging on the promise of a legal separation with him, which is understandable because it's extremely expensive, and thanks to Xander, we have a lot of unneeded bills to pay (somehow he ended up having to pay rent in New York even though he's moved out AND in LA, which means that we have to cover it), so I don't blame her. But I do think that she was more than a little happy to take the easy way out here. No one is at all on the same page, which means that I'm on everyone's page (which is highly exhausting), and let me tell you, I've never seen such deluded individuals. We could provide fodder for the best of postmodern dramas. Actually, I do think a musical loosely based on our family is in order; something like Next to Normal, but without hot imaginary sons and with more puns? Kind of like Camus-meets-Victor-Hugo-meets-Jonathan-Larson, ya feel? Anyway. So our home life is a disaster. At any given moment of the day, someone is off wailing in a corner, and that someone can never be me, because I'm a Good Mom and I can't give in to petty things like emotion. Or anxiety. Or, ya know, anything. I am marmoreal! (That's a nice word, isn't it? Very picturesque) I gotta say, though, sometimes I just really wanna fight. Like, I really wanna beat the tar out of someone, just once. I think it would be very therapeutic (maybe not for them, though).

It's gotten very hot lately, and it's almost unbearable. Dad turns off the air conditioner when he doesn't need it or want it, completely heedless of everyone else and our protestations, and it's always a battle, trying to turn it on before he can turn it off again, and turning it on when he leaves the house so the air can get a little cooler to tide us over through the next hot spell. Then he gets mad, but it's worth it to have a little bit more comfort in this horrible humid heat. How did I live in Ohio for a year? I often wonder. It's so sticky and gross with the moisture in the air, and I really do feel like I'm suffocating. Yesterday, I tried to sleep downstairs, because upstairs was unendurable, and I woke up like five times because I was all sweaty (also because of nightmares, but that's really a given). I hate being sweaty! It's so nasty and disgusting. Like, okay, I could never live anywhere but California, right? But I'm expressly Not a heat person. Cold is good; I can deal with cold. But heat? No. Sometimes I wish I had elemental powers like Storm so that I could envelop myself in a little bubble of ambient air at all times and not have to deal with environment problems (when I'm not wishing for that, I'm wishing for Bobby Drake/Emma Frost ice powers). Oh yeah, how did Emma Frost come to get his powers anyway? And did she somehow get Paige Guthrie's diamond form too? Gosh, I'm so out of the loop. There's like a whole chunk of the universe that I'm totally missing. 

I wonder if I should try to sleep downstairs again today. It might be cooler. But then again, it might not. And the kids might want to sleep down here, so I would want to give them the couches, and I'm not really keen on sleeping on the floor, you know? It's too bad I'm running low on alcohol; I could dose myself up, and then I'd be able to fall asleep anywhere.

Right, so speaking of which! I'm really running low on my supplies, and it's terrible. Did I mention that some lowlife was filching my whiskey? It like to broke my heart! I mean, I'm not at all stingy- I'd be more than willing to share- but they took So Much, and really, it was my only recourse, so I was sad. I used the last of it on Labor Day for our family dinner, and it was barely one shot, so it didn't do jack (that was a pun, please appreciate*), so it was barely even worth saving. But then again, I feel like most of the beneficial effects of alcohol are psychological anyway, so maybe it actually was good. Who knows? All I can say is that I wish Xander would hurry up and visit so he can buy me some more, better, hard liquor. I'm terribly sick of our (disgusting) brandy. Really, I'm thinking these Romantic Parisiens must have had more money than they knew what to do with if they were able to consistently get drunk on brandy. Or maybe it was stronger back then? Or more cheaply produced? I'm sure people like Grantaire could knock back a bottle a day, easy, even so. Hmm. Is that why all these Impressionists were so obsessed with absinthe? 

As I said before, though, we're running low on our spirits. This is very worrying, because I literally can't eat dinner with my family unless I'm drinking, and once we run out, I have no idea what I'll do. Eating is hard enough for me anyway; I wouldn't be surprised if one of these days I'll have to sip through a shot or two even just to eat on my own. Why do I gotta be this way, man? If only people never had to eat anything. I would be happy to spend my life drinking alcohol and never letting a bite of food pass my lips. Oh, dreams! 

Anselm has started asking me for help with his homework all the time. It's nice and all, but son I ain't tryna write your whole assignment for ya, kay? Kids these days. Was I that dependent on outside help when I was a freshman? (Well, in math, yeah) It really does make me feel like a real mom, though. There's nothing like it! I make the kids food, and dress them, and brush their hair, and help with homework, and nag them to clean up and stuff (really, it's Anselm more than Talia, but I get on her case too), and wow, man. I'm good at this. And also, it's NOT my calling. I will never have kids of my own. Of course, this makes me feel somewhat guilty, because I've been socialized all my life into thinking that I should be a Good Wife and Mother, but I'm sure one of my siblings will provide grand kids for Mom and pass on the family line and all that, so I don't have to take on that particular burden (although maybe I should?), and I shudder to think of what kind of anxiety-ridden messes my children would be if I had them, so it's probably good for the future generations if I stay single, if we really think about it. Besides, I'm terrified of giving birth. Like, babies squish your internal organs. I'm 100% not about that, man. Okay, but where was I? Oh yeah. So tomorrow is the open house at the high school, and Mom doesn't want to go with Dad (ofc), so she says I should go, but I'm not excited because I absolutely Know that her "conscience will get the best of her" and she'll tell Dad about it, but she won't want to go with him, so I'll have to go with him, and trail around with him for two hours. He'll tell me I'm a failure and crap at everything as be really embarrassing and offend everyone, and it will be a horrible experience. But Anselm needs someone in his corner, so of course I can't back out. But I do wish that Mom's conscience would fail her sometimes. 

I watched two episodes of Sense8 today. It's a good show! So aesthetically pleasing. There are some problematic elements, but overall, it's pretty well done. Of course I'm not even halfway through the season, so I don't know for sure, but I already hope they renew it for season 2. We could use more shows like that, and less like Sherlock or Supernatural. Gosh, I used to love Supernatural. But then it got so yucky, and now it's just kind of like that one weird friend that you try not to talk to because they always end up being really offensive and mortifying, but you always say hi when you see them because you shared a Past together. Such a let-down! It should have stopped at season 5, man, that's all I'm saying. 

Speaking of Netflix, I'm probably going to watch some now. I feel the X-Files calling to me. Or maybe I'll read Les Misérables fan fiction. I read a super cute one the other day, and I still think about it in spare moments. Maybe I should read it again. Anyway, that's all for now. I shall bid you a fond adieu, and a lovely bon soir as well! Au revoir! 

*because it's Jack Daniels. What a good pun 😎