I really have to stop writing in the first person plural. It sounds so terribly much like the explanation of a lab report.
So, here I am on this lovely Sunday afternoon, avoiding all my responsibilities, as a good college student always likes to do. I have to do a reading guide for stats, but more importantly, I have to perform a literary analysis on some work of dystopian fiction, yet undecided, and have it ready and printed out by 12:40 tomorrow. That means that I have to go to the library, and it's cold and dreary outside, and more importantly, I haven't showered today, and my hair looks like a relic of the Napoleonic wars. "Why don't you just bite the bullet and shower now?" I hear you saying. Well, that's an excellent academic question, and I admire your cleverness in asking it. But you see, then I would have to change my clothes afterwards, and I would be using up two outfits in one day, and that's such a waste, especially when it's hard enough to avoid repetition as it is (I have fewer clothes here than the typical white male gamer). So all in all, I think it's best to wait until the day has run its course. Maybe I can go to the library early tomorrow, before class, and print my paper out then. That's a good idea! I'll just get it all nicely written and formatted here, and then I won't have to worry. It's only two pages; how hard can it be? I've been doing literary analysis since birth (or at least eighth grade), and I can identify symbolism in my sleep. This should be a walk in the park. The only thing I'm worried about is the topic, since this class isn't really about "literature" per se, and we shun novels in favor of Youtube videos and video games. Actually, I like that part, because video games are really just unwritten literature, and I might not be able to differentiate between X and Y on an xbox controller with any degree of regularity, but I'm a hardcore fan, and I will be until the day I become a pregnant and barefoot conservative housewife. But where was I? Oh yes. So, books are very easy for me, but I think our teacher would rather we do movies or something, and I'm not really feeling it. For one thing, I don't watch movies much, and when I do, they usually have more to do with elves and hobbits than with nuclear apocalypses. I wonder if we could consider Middle Earth under Sauron to be a dystopia? I think it's pretty dystopian, don't you? But for some reason, I don't think my teacher would go for the idea. Okay, well, do you think I could use a TV show then? I just watched an episode of Star Trek where this planet was wiped out by an apocalypse, and it was very tragic, only the crew of the Enterprise went back in time and saved them. That wouldn't count, would it. Man. Okay, so I started watching this show called Revolution, and it's as dystopian as it comes. It's a really good show, incidentally, I love it. But could I write about it? I'm really not sure. How would I do it? Would I take an episode? Or maybe part of an episode? But which part? Oh man, this is really difficult. You know what, I'm just going to use The Day After Tomorrow. I saw it on an airplane when I was about nine, so even though the only part I remember is the burly leading man getting stuck in a flooded telephone booth with his beautiful, fainting, costar, I'm sure I could google some climactic scenes and make up something about them. Ugh, this means I have to write about the environment, doesn't it. I hate writing about the environment. Sure, it's important, and pollution is terrible, and global warming and polar ice caps and death to the masses, but it's not an issue in which I'm really invested, unless it has to do with international relations, and even then, I'm iffy. Oh well, I can do it anyway. I could probably write an opinionated essay on shale oil extraction if I had to (it wouldn't be as hard as you think, though, because I was studying it on Wikipedia for fun the other day). I mean, I wrote a pseudo-communist political propaganda speech the other day just to see if I could (I could). So this shouldn't be too bad. I can do this. Yeah, let's go!
I really need to redo my nails first though. I painted them last Sunday, and they looked as lovely as Dorian Gray, but now they're starting to resemble his portrait more, so I need to do a little touch-up. For whatever reason, I really dislike having sloppy-looking nails, like even if they're an uneven length, it'll bother me. So when I paint them, it takes a lot of upkeep, which means that I rarely do it. But I love how they look manicured, and I love nail polish in general, so it's quite the struggle. When I'm a rich lawyer one day, I'll be able to have them perfect all the time, and if that's not motivation to do well in school, I don't know what is.
Speaking of doing well in school, I'm really worried about physics. I got an 85 on the first quiz, for goodness' sake. That's just not acceptable to me. Last semester, I got a 4.0 without even trying, but now I'm afraid that it's going to drop into oblivion despite my hardest efforts. Physics is five credits, so it's weighted more than anything else, and no amount of humanities classes could assuage the deleterious effects of a poor grade. And the kicker? It's not even my fault! I'm not bad at physics, if I do say so myself, but when the only bit of teaching we're getting is the TA dropping by to give us explicitly wrong information, there's only so much I can do. (Seriously though, he told us that particles move faster in higher temperatures, which is true, and that this makes the resistance lower, which is false, and everyone just accepted it) I have my old notes and worksheets and tests and whatnot, and I have google, but this class is more of a blight than an arbitrarily high price floor. Do you think it would be too expensive to sign up for some kind of internet crash course? Now, if I were Austin, I could look at a textbook for five seconds and be able to apply all the concepts as if I'd been born knowing them, do the labs in an hour, get out early, and play Pokemon, but sadly, I have not his particular brand of overarching intelligence. To him, science is nothing but common sense, and AP Chem was a fun and easy class. Now that I think of it, he's pretty excellent at math too. We're just academic opposites, aren't we. That's okay! It means that together, we're an inexorable force of scholar-hood, and nothing can stand in our way. How lovely! It still doesn't solve my physics dilemma, though.
I should probably get down to business now. Okay, let's make a plan. So. I'll go up to the fourth floor and find a deserted study room and paint my nails, and then I'll get some food early, since apparently it's the Superbowl or something, and there will probably be a lot of drunk people out, and then I'll shower, and then I'll sit me down to a good long night of
No comments:
Post a Comment