My grand dream

Eff everything. I have to write my college essays, and I have no idea what to write them on. I started one on how I have a "blending" voice and how that helps me relate to the world around me because I can empathize with people and all that, but I don't think it's turning out well. It's terribly self-congratulatory. Although isn't that the point of college essays? I don't know... Oh, right! I've finally found my major! I want to major in linguistics. Holy crap, that sounds stupid. It's so embarrassing too, since Zac is a math major (double major, actually, math and music), and Kitty intends to be a neuroscientist, and Sungmin has announced his ambition to be a scientist. Mom is a toxicologist who is good at everything, and Dad is a geneticist with a highfalutin pHD. Even my grandmother used to be a nurse, and my grandfather was a chemist (on my mom's side; on my dad's side, I think they were potato farmers or something). And then there's me... Herp derp, I like words. Damn, bitch. I must be a changeling or something. The worst part is, I actually LIKE science. I do. I'm just not really good at it. The only thing I'm good at it is English, which is incredibly useless. Do we have a Periodic Table of the Elements of Style? Are we composed of parts of speech? I don't think so! The only thing worse would be if I were into history or something. Oh wait... Damn. Well, nothing I can do about it now. It's part of my grand plan for life. Have I intimated my grand plan here? No, I haven't. That wasn't even a rhetorical question. That was just an intro. So, I'm going to get a degree in linguistics (at USC or UCLA if possible, but most likely not), then I'm going to put myself through law school. I might have to become a stripper to do it, but that's ok, because I'll presumably still be hot. After I pass the bar exam, I'm going to become an immigration lawyer and get rid of that horrendous law in Arizona. After that, I'll become a frickin Clarence Darrow and become really rich and famous and maybe become a Supreme Court justice when I've become too old to live. All throughout this, I'm going to eschew traditionality (which is apparently not a word). I will never marry, and I will never have children. I guess I might date and stuff, cuz it'll be really boring if I don't get to ever see men, but I will never own a suburbian house with a picket fence and 2.5 children and an SUV in the driveway. Nope. I'm going to have a little apartment and the cheapest of Honda Civics until I make enough money to buy a house. Then I'll buy a little cheapo house and never spend more than I possibly have to (this is where the dating might come in handy). I will live frugally all my life and become really really rich and not get robbed because everyone will think I'm destitute, and then when I'm a Supreme Court justice (or whatever it is I decide to do in my twilight years), I will live like a one percenter. So perfect. I've decided it all. The only thing I sort of regret is that I won't get to see what my kids would look like. That's kind of sad. But there are internet sites for that, and as far as I know, there are no internet sites for living out your dreams, so it's a small sacrifice to make. Of course, all this depends on actually going to college. So I guess I better get back to those essays. Ugh.