I'm on call for one more hour, but the one arrival pending for tonight has already been intaked (intook?) and I did all my census and admin stuff while it was slow in the afternoon, so I'm writing on here while I sit at my desk! It's nice to be able to work from home in the evenings. I like the balance of being able to take care of my in-person work in the office, and then coming back to my apartment to finish up my shift in my underwear LOL. I don't like the three 12-hour shifts I have to do back-to-back each week, but I also prefer to do it myself instead of having to work with someone else. My coworker and I are both Capricorns to the extreme and we work amazingly well together, but now she's out for six months with her new baby, so I have free reign now, and I like it, because I'm not trying to do College Group Project Part 2: The Healthcare Boogaloo. It does mean that I have very little time to myself now, though.
K and I went to see a show this weekend! It was my first big one since El Pando, and being around so many people just breathed life into my soul. I felt like I was being moisturized. Also, little 14-year-old emo me would think I'm the coolest motherfucker around, so I'm pleased. This is the inner child work, bitch!! K is amazing. I love her with my entire heart. On Saturday night, we just sat around in my bedroom smoking and doing art (after I clocked out, since I did have to work a 12 that day). We also listened to emo music (and the odd metal song I added when they got stuck in my head). We have really similar taste in music, although she tends more towards folk and dark cabaret for her "guilty" pleasures and I spin towards dad rock and bro metal. We both really like industrial, hardcore, etc. though, and we're both very opinionated about music, so discussions are fun. I love having a music buddy; I never really have before. Then again, I forced myself to not really listen to any music that I enjoyed for many years, so I didn't have a lot of passion. Now it's one of my main coping mechanisms and joys in life once again (last time was fully in high school I think), and coincidentally, my mental health is so much better. It's really about finding what I like and allowing myself (or being allowed) to enjoy it. Death metal makes me happy, and I like being happy, and it's kind of dumb to censor myself just because it's not a common interest for a slice of the population (it's not even uncommon either though, but whatever). I like getting ASMR from songs (I recently learned that's what it is), and as embarrassing as it is, I do like getting obsessed with albums. Now, if I'm having a bad day, I can feel better after it just by playing my music loud as hell and singing along as I drive home. Much better than substance abuse and self-harm!
Ah I just googled my symptoms and it seems I'm experiencing a tension headache. Big surprise there !! It takes me ages to relax enough to sleep at night, and I don't realize it until it becomes annoying, but I do carry around a lot of stress throughout the day (and evening now). Hopefully this doesn't become a problem. But at least I have health insurance now.
Wait food is good actually. I forget a lot. I never have time to cook anymore, and it's kind of sad to just cook for me, so I eat like a quirky main character in the Netflix adaptation of a YA novel (this is not even factoring in the poverty and the anorexia). I also get randomly obsessed with foods for a little while and don't want to eat anything else. Right now, it's cup noodles, if that gives any indication of how low the bar is. It's not that I can't cook, because I can, and I'm actually very good at planning and prepping and all that as well, but I feel like I just don't get the chance to flex. Right now, most of my life is work.
Wait if I broke it down, hmm. I go to bed (read: get in bed) at around 11 (or try to) and get up at 6 (or 6:30 if I'm tired, which is always), so that's about 6 hours of sleep if we're being extremely generous. I leave for work by 6:50, clock in by 7:50, clock out at around 9 (I work through my lunch because there's only one of me and I don't want to step away for an hour and come back to five million emails and three AMAs and it all works out anyway since I do have to take an hour to drive home). So basically, the only time I'm not working is when I'm driving, from 9 - 11 PM, and whenever I have free time between work tasks (and a lot of that free time I use for household planning, chores, budget, etc., and catching up on my socials and answering some of my snaps and messages). I can do like one thing on weekends now, because otherwise I'll have a panic attack on Facetime with Emily, crying about how overwhelmed I am, so I have a ton of dates and pending plans in my social queue, and a lot of friends whom I never get to see. Goddamn. No wonder I feel like I've had strychnine poisoning all the time.
Oh yay it's 8:45! Time to type up my final reports and send them off! And then you fucking know I'm gonna get so so high.