Some people are so awful. I'm not even talking about the people who commit atrocities on a large scale or anything. Just common, everyday people. They're so rude and mean. I try not to be bothered, because I'm a big believer in trying to understand where people are coming from, and all that. But still, I think I must be a bit nasty myself, because I get so upset sometimes. Just, all this vitriol, all this hatred, it seems so unnecessary.
I'm not saying we shouldn't get mad about things. That would be ridiculous. When things happen everyday like what we're seeing on the news, it's impossible not to be incensed. But if that's the case, how does anyone have any hatred leftover for their fellow people? I'm furious at the bigots and hatemongerers and people who should be called criminals, but who are protected by privilege, and the benefits of an unfair society. Who wouldn't be? And I would definitely punch them in the face, or (more likely) write a seven-page essay decrying them in great detail. But I /wouldn't/ publicly mock someone about their appearance because I didn't agree with their political views, and I wouldn't message people to tell them horrible things for no real reason at all.
Well, I can't be too quick to judge. Maybe there are things I don't know.
But it bothers me anyway. I can't seem to stop it.
Am I too soft? I've always thought so. There was a time when I actively tried to make myself harder, but it wasn't me, and I was so unhappy. So I went back, but honestly, it's ridiculous. I don't like bad language (I tell everyone that I don't curse because it sounds funny, and that's true, but it sounds funny because I don't like it), and I don't like to raise my voice, and I get upset when people insult me. My first instinct is to smile when I see someone smiling even remotely in my direction, and I feel bad for hours if I accidentally close a door on someone or cut them in line. It's too much.
I hate the word "bitch." I hate it, hate it, hate it. I said it by mistake the other day while I was driving, and I still feel bad about it (you don't understand- I want to flagellate myself or something). So, I hate the word "binch" as well. It's not okay just because it's a different word. You're obviously using it in the same way, to mean the same thing.
But whatever. I shouldn't be trying to regulate people's speech patterns just because they make me uncomfortable. So I need to stop it.
I'm just going to stop talking to people. Who would like me, soft and sensitive as I am? I have fire, but only for causes outside myself. And I'm not fun. So I'll stop.
Whatever.
It doesn't matter.