I forgot to bring my medication with me when I came to school this week, and I think I'm already feeling the effects. And it's not like I was doing splendidly before either. Why is my brain doing this to me? I mean, enough should be enough, right? Maybe I should just go to bed. But I kind of don't want to, because both my roommates are out partying in the hall with the rest of the geniuses on my floor, and I don't want to look like a narcoleptic loner sleeping in here all by myself. Like, that's no fun at all, right? Also, I really need to be doing some linguistics stuff, but I can't seem to concentrate on anything right now, so I'm procrastinating it, but then I know I have to do it, so I can't sleep yet. Oh yes, and I need to be studying for my anthro midterm too. And that's the story, folks. What am I to do here? My life is like a barrel of mold and disappointment. (That was a really nice and poetic simile, just saying) Should I march out into the hall and demand that people start paying attention to me and give me alcohol? Not that they have any, probably, as it's illegal to have in the dorms, but maybe it would appeal to their bibulous lifestyles and make them love me deeply. Oh, my socialite roommate just came in and invited me to join them all out in the hall, and I immediately refused, like the wretched recluse that I am. Why do I do these things? Why am I me? Man, I really have to shape up here, or I'm going to end up as lonely as the unpaired rounded back vowel. At least I have nice eyebrows. That ought to count for something, right? If you have nice eyebrows, it's much easier to be rude and antisocial and mysterious and get away with it (a good wardrobe helps immensely as well). Speaking of which (sort of) I cut my bangs over the weekend, and now they're kind of short, and on one hand, I have the potential to look fierce, but on the other hand, I'm now possessed of too-short bangs, and I'm not sure if I actually look good or not. As always, people keep staring at me wherever I go, only now there's a friendly sort of flavor to it, and I'm not sure if it's because I'm adorable, or because I'm pitiably ugly. When I was getting dinner yesterday, some dude randomly told me that he liked my bangs, and that's an indication that I don't look good, because he was probably being sarcastic, right? But then again, maybe he was just hitting on me and not doing a very good job of it. I don't know, man! This is all so difficult. If only I could be sure that I look good, then I would feel at least 50% better about my life! Maybe I just have to embrace my inner beauty and accept myself as the majestic and flawless masterpiece that I am without any negative judgement allowed, and everything will be all sparkles and sunshine and daisies and Renoir's version of Impressionism. I know some people at a certain mental hospital who would be terribly enthused about that idea. But in the meantime, I have to contend with the joys of dorm life, and I have not the faintest idea how I'm going to go about doing that. Perhaps I should ask my cheery compatriots for some potations after all.

So I've started school now, and it's really not as bad as one might think! My classes are very interesting (although my anthropology teacher has an annoying habit of hating on linguistics at every possible opportunity, and naturally I take this very personally), and I've figured out where they are, so I don't have to lead quite so early in the morning to account for getting lost. It's still a bit of a struggle getting back to my dorm sometimes, but I think I'm on the right track now. Oh, and the people are lovely for the most part! My roommates are not weird, and they're both transfers and are older than I am (because I'm a year younger than all the other transfer students), and we all get along well. The people in my hall are also very nice (except for one, but that's okay, there's always one), and I've been managing to talk more and be a little more social, so I'm understandably proud of myself for that. What I'm not proud of is my diet, because I can palpably feel the eating disorder coming back and taking over, so I definitely have to do something about that, but goodness me, the place is a breeding ground for disease. If I didn't have anorexia coming in, I probably would coming out. No, that's not true, it's not hard to keep healthy, it's just the people I hang around with, especially one of my roommates. She acts almost like I do, and I think it's pretty unhealthy. But I'm not sure what to do, beyond encouraging her to eat healthy things, because it's difficult (not to mention awkward) to intervene in someone's life in such a personal way. If it gets any worse, and I can see beyond a shadow of a doubt that she's struggling with real health issues, of course I will have to step in somehow, but as it is, I'm still hesitant. What would you do? It's a sticky situation.
Diet problems aside, I'm doing much better with everything than I was in Ohio, I think. Although I haven't yet joined any music organizations, whether for credit or otherwise, and it's getting a little late, so I'm getting worried. But I'm not sure where to go! How do people find these things out? I'm pretty sure all the auditions have passed already, so that's another obstacle. Or would they let me audition later, maybe, if I exhibited a positive can-do attitude? Maybe I could talk to multiple groups and join the nicest one. But then they might be really bad. Oh dear. I just don't know what to do! This is one of those situations where I just need to get in there and do something, and coincidentally, one of those situations where I show myself to my worst advantage. It's very difficult for me to act without ruminating for awhile, and that's okay I guess, but it does put a crimp on life sometimes. Perhaps I belong in academia after all.
Oh yeah, that reminds me! I've been thinking, maybe I could go into psychology. I know, I know– it's a pseudoscience and all, but with the state of the world as it is, mental health is a lucrative profession. My only problem is that everyone else can see this too, so I would have a lot of competition, but still, it might be something I could do. This isn't random though, or purely motivated by acquisitiveness. I think I would be good at it, because even though I can't solve my own problems, I'm very good at thinking through how other people can solve theirs. Just because I can't seem to put things into practice in my own life doesn't mean I don't know them, and plus, I'm an excellent listener. And okay, truth to be told, I was a little inspired when I went to the program. Everyone there was so good, and they seemed to love what they were doing so much, and I hate to admit it, but they helped me quite a bit. Just think of what they could do with someone who was actually willing to be there! Since I have all these problems, shouldn't I do some good with them and help other people who are going through the same thing? It seems like it's the right thing to do. But then again, how helpful would I really be if I was struggling so much in my own life? It would really be a case of physician heal thyself– I just hope my patients wouldn't try to take me for an example. Or maybe that's better, because I could tell them conclusively what not to do. Well now, I don't know. But it's a thought.
I was supposed to see my bae today (since I'm home for the weekend), but his car broke down, so he can't come over, and Mom was too busy to drive me to his house. This is one of those times when I really wish I had my license. I miss him, man! Even though it's only been a week since I've seen him, it's felt like longer. He's such a calming and lovely presence in my life, like the foundation of a well-built house, or a nice fuzzy comforter (probably those were not the most romantic comparisons I could have made, but I think they were very sweet, personally). How is it possible for anyone to be so patient and kind and good-hearted? He's unbelievable! (In a good way that is, but still) Last Friday, we had a fight, and when I said we, I mean I, since I was the only one doing any fighting. Man, I was really going at it, and mind you, I'm one of the most easy-going people ever, but bless my soul, if he didn't get my blood flowing! You see, I thought he was going against my feminist ideology (for lack of a better description), and I really couldn't have that. I'm not sure I want to align myself with today's feminist movement because of several problematic issues that I've seen, but I have passionate beliefs that at least parallel theirs in most regards, and if you mess with that, I'm not going to take it. Then, he made the mistake of saying something not very friendly towards the MOGAI movement, and everything really went down in flames. I can't condone that, you know? Fortunately, the first bit was a misunderstanding, and the second bit was ignorance, since although he is very supportive towards marginalized people, he doesn't really know a lot, so he didn't mean any harm at all, and after I set him straight, he was fine. And I never stay mad for long, so after I cooled down, we talked about it, and I was so amazed by how nice he was! He didn't make me apologize, and he didn't get mad, and he didn't say that I "wasn't worth his forgiveness" as my sister's horrible boyfriend says to her frequently, and basically, everything was great (I didn't apologize by the way, because I don't think I did anything wrong) (except maybe act a little impolite, but he doesn't mind that). I think you can tell a lot about a person by how they handle conflict, and he seems to handle it pretty well. Of course he's not perfect, but he's miles ahead of some, and that's a good sign. So anyway, that was a really long-winded illustration of his lovely personality, and how lucky I am! Although I guess I could be luckier at the moment, because I would really like to see him, but there's always tomorrow!
I should go to bed now, because I'm yawning like some kind of oxygen fiend, and I have to get up early for church tomorrow anyway, so I'll sleep now. Although I might play some calming game first, I don't know. At this point, I need all the aid in sleeping that I can get. Okay, goodnight!