Goodnight, demonslayer, goodnight.... *closes eyes dreamily and sways to music*
I love Voltaire! Squeal!
Oh mannnn..... Chatty The Chubby Chipmunk wants to go on a "date" and I really could do without him. But, ok. As long as he keeps his ginormous mouth closed. I mean, that thing is HUGE. It's like, the size of New York City mixed with S-hole's ego (and that thing is damn enormous!). Perchance I should sing him a heartfelt rendition of Trouty Mouth. "Troooouty mouttthhhhh... fishhyyyyy lipsssss.... is that how people's lips like.... where you come frooooommm.... in the South?" The only problem would be his probably negative reaction to this impromptu serenade. I mean, what if he decided to open up his immense gob and swallow me whole? I don't think I'd like that very much.
Well, there could be worse things, I suppose.
What, I'm not sure. But something.
Well.... it's that time of year! Tour is coming up on Thursday. Do you know how stressful this is for me? The fact that the group's failure will rest singlehandedly upon my shoulders unless some kind of miracle of amazing proportions occurs does not really do much to bolster my confidence. Also, the girl who is singing my solo is SUCH a bitch! She is the bitchiest bitch in bitchdom! And she's really not very pretty at all. And she's not too bright. And she sounds like a belching bullfrog singing Rebecca Black and dying of gastrointestinal distress when she sings. How the hell did she get the solo? And why the hell am I the understudy? It's not like I'm that great either. Although I'm sure I could do better than she (and I know this because I did, sight reading). Although, to be fair, anything would be an improvement over her soulful croaking.
And don't even get me started on her fashion sense! Damn, she looks like a prep. In fact, she IS a prep. That would explain it. She once wore this hideous flowered muumuu with triangles and squares and hexagons and geometrical formulas and who-knows-what-all in shades of brilliant orange, green, blue, black, purple, white, and puke. It was sooooo ugly! And to make it even uglier, she wore it with footless leggings (in black) and Toms.
Sexy shit. I friggin loathe men.
I swear, as long as I live, I will never grow up to be a man.
Wait....
