Saturday, November 27, 2010

Of Rice and Men (HA see what I did there?)

I got the new My Chemical Romance album. ♥
Hot Topic is t3h aw3some!!!1!!1 liek omg!
Ok.
So right now Zac is freaking out because he doesn't have a 4.0 in college right now. This is because he never tries at anything and still expects it to come settle down on his transcript like a fairy of kindness and hope. Gee, I wonder why... I have problems with math and therefore have a 3.9 but do you hear me complaining? Oh. Problems. Math. Ha, I am a veritable genius of puns and witticisms. I should become a night show host.
Some creepy chick just called Zac on his phone. Twice. I wonder what could be going on here? Maybe it's something like in The Ring where you have to call the person before they die or something. Oh, wait... that's not The Ring.... that's something else entirely. Oh well. That then.
I sincerely hope it's not that.
Today at church KiKi decided to have some more emo moments. Damn annoying. I wonder if she thinks it's attractive or something. Perhaps she secretly believes in her heart of hearts (as opposed to her heart of livers and her heart of stem cells) that she can best me at the depressed-evil-pissed-at-life-and-your-face look and therefore should do it as much as humanly possible. If this is the case, she is sadly mistaken, for no one can best me at that look. No one. Not even the queen of depression-nefariousness-angry-at-life-and-thy-countenance land herself (if there is indeed such a land)(and if there is, I want to go there). It is really quite ridiculous to imagine that a sweet, righteous, clean-cut, Christian, like herself could possibly emulate and best a malevolent, evil, dirty hoe like me. (The fact that I too profess to be a Christian has little or no bearing on the case, for, as we all know, a person's soul is but the inner trappings of a truly kind and conservatively dressed human being.) But then again, she is superior to me in all regards, so perhaps the competition is not as stacked as I at first presumed it to be.
Dammit, I need to get laid.
Right now I'm supposed to be writing my paper on school prayer. It's fucking annoying. It's not like he's even going to read it. All I need to do is slap some well-formatted parenthetical citation in there and write in a header and I'm guaranteed a perfect score. However, my classmates seem to have not found this out yet, judging from the grades on the wall. It is really quite appalling. If it were this hard to get an A in English, most college professors would be out of a job. And if this is supposed to be an honor's class, I really would be curious to see the regular ones. The essays must be rather amusing. Even Bonnie can't seem to get a 9, so how could Twitty McFuckFace ever hope to compete? Not to toot my own horn (ooh la la!), but nines really just grow on trees. A few strategically placed "evince"s and "therefore"s will get you further than a two page outline. Outlining is embarrassingly useless anyway. NOT that it would matter, because our teacher doesn't even READ THE FUCKING ESSAYS!! Sexy shit. And I thought LAST year's English class was bad.
Anyway. I went to Homecoming with Nathan. It was interesting. He bought a ticket for me, kindly, but then deigned to skimp on ten dollars. Maybe he was wondering if I would notice. At any rate, I got my ticket mostly free of charge, and the money I did pay wasn't even mine to begin with, so it was fine. I got a dress at some cheapo discount place because everything else was closed. I was happy though. The second I came out of the changing room, Sonia, Kitty, and Mom all went "YESS!!" So I got it. It was way too girly for me, but whatever. It's homecoming, right? It was red silk, knee length, with a big bow on one shoulder and nothing on the other. (It was one-strap. Ya feels me?) It also had this very flattering waist with a nice tight sash on the back. I got these HOT silver flats that were actually open-toed and had a shiny diamond-type thing on the side, a silver clutch purse, and a silver bracelet made out of a ball chain. I put a red ribbon around my head and left my hair loose and THEN left off most of my makeup. I got so many compliments it was really ridiculous. Maybe I shouldn't wear so much makeup every day? Nah. I need to. Anyway, Nathan got me a corsage, and we went out to eat. We are both so sarcastic that the conversation really got nowhere with regard to self discovery (and all that crap) and besides I don't like anyone to know anything about me anyway. It was hella fun though! So then we went and picked up Sonia, and we all went in. There was karaoke, so of course I went there and sang with a lot of my friends. Soooo fun! (And when fifteen of us belted out Bohemian Rhapsody, complete with hand motions and interpretive dance, it was downright inspirational!) One amusing incident also occurred. I decided to sing I'm With You by myself, so I went up and started singing it. I was having the time of my young life, when up walked Justin The Juicy. (Damn that boy is FINE!) I turned a bit idiotic and began putting a lot of feeling into it, and apparently JTJ liked that aspect, because he casually and nonchalantly walked over to a nearby pillar and positioned himself behind it, looking for all the world like a James Bond impersonator. He crossed his arms and legs (one over the other, still standing, although if he had sat down it would have been even more amusing) and proceeded to stand with an affected pose of blase for the duration of my song. He probably would have lit a cigarette, but it was against the rules. When I had finished singing, he skulked off again amid the applause of the obviously tipsy onlookers. (Who else but a drunkard would applaud my voice?) (Although the results were even more dramatic with I Will Always Love You. I didn't know the tune and improvised a great deal, but I did get the high notes as I am a true first soprano (toot toot horn) and therefore apparently was impressive. Nathan wouldn't shut up about it until I started talking about football. You see how desperate I became.) Oh, those memories... I had the time of my life! The only fly in my ointment was that Sonia still loved JTJ at that point, and was sad because he was there. I asked Nathan if he could induce JTJ to hang out with us, but was met with disappointment because apparently JTJ was with "some random girl". SEXY FUCK! That ass! How dare he! You see what a kind and caring friend I am. It is not just because I wanted to hang out with him too. Not at all. I am more sympathetic to a cause of broken heartedness than that.
Nathan appeared to be moonstruck. Over me, too. How fucking weird.
We do still talk now, which is quite good, but I want someone to make a move on me. I'm flirting with a lot of guys, but no one will DO anything CONCLUSIVE which is really obnoxious because it's almost the end of first semester and I haven't had a boyfriend yet this year! I'm a loser. I know. There must be something really wrong with me.
Not enough cleavage perhaps.
I have been more modest (ish) this year, which is really surprising. I thought for sure I'd continue my reputation, but I'm apparently falling down on the job. Which is also depressing. I need to get some more low shirts.
Ugh, thanksgiving break is almost over..... How annoying. Although everything is kind of annoying at this point. At least I'll get to see everyone.... I only saw Sonia and Allie through the whole week. Fail. I have become a recluse of reclusiveness. Oh, Jade did come over a couple times, and we went shopping, but she's practically part of the family now... so I'm still a recluse of reclusiveness. How sad for me. Maybe I can write some Poe-etry. HA I am so full of amusement, punnishness and witticism.
...I think we have established this earlier in the entry.
Maybe I should go to bed... It's too late to be up like this. Actually, no it's not, but it's raining (RAINING BLOOOOD!) and I want to actually snuggle up in a warm bed with rain for more than three hours. (Not to say the rain is in my bed, but merely... eh, forget it. Ignorance is bliss.) Oh.... that previous Slayer reference made me look kind of psychotic didn't it.... My apologies.
But now... I'm scared to go to bed! The Ring, man! The fucking Ring! Or else Saw, because that isn't exactly lovely for sweet dreams either. DAMMIT! This happens to me all the time! Once I decided to browse for some new music on Youtube (as you do). I found this song called She's Dead by some screwy band or other. Oh, ok, I thought. This looks interesting! So I clicked on it, and immediately was inundated with beautiful imagery of the lyrical masterpiece. "She's deeeeeeaaaadddd..." wailed the lead singer, obviously in some kind of physical torment or other. "I crushed her head," added one of the backup singers cheerfully. Then they started chanting in German. I mean, please! If you're going to be inconsiderate enough to start singing about ritual sacrifice, at LEAST have the common courtesy to do it in a language that we can all understand! Although probably that was a blessing in disguise because the lyrics appeared to translate to an orgy of blood and sodomization. (sodomize? Yeah?) Not that this would bother me, but when they started getting hot and heavy with the corpse I decided to close the window and listen to some nice, inoffensive Anthrax. However, that night I couldn't sleep for fear of one of these noble men coming into the window and getting themselves some new subject matter at my expense. Eventually I just crept downstairs and finished my homework. But anyway! This whole thing about going to bed early is nice and all but it just doesn't work when you are convinced that there is a rabid pack of flesh eating ax murderers lodged in your closet and Justin Beiber is under your bed! It is an "armchair theory". I am sure that I will never be a respectable hermit.
Not when there are German slaughtering tribes in the music industry anyway.