r is a mofo!

DUUDEEEE, fucking Roger is a JERK!!! I hate his ugly guts (and his dick for that matter)!!! If he decided to go move to Seattle and change his name to Johannes Müyer, I would be quite all right with that. If he decided to go move to Seattle and change his name to Johannes Müyer and never contact me ever again, I would be even more all right with that.
Do you understand what I am trying to say with all my glorious and impeccable intent of language? (Not that that really made sense)
Yes?
All right, shall I start at the lovely beginning of this totally tragic-ass tale? Yes, I will. Shut up, brain.
Ok, so I was walking to the p.e yard (or whatever the heck it's supposed to be called) during 6th period (oh yeah! My schedule changed! I like it a lot!) Anyway, so I was there and I was with Roger. He was all pissy because he'd seen me walking with Chanz, and that was SO not acceptable. I mean, I can't even be in a two mile radius of any person of the male persuasion (rather hard to manage when I am on a campus halfway populated by men) but HE can flirt with any girl (or guy) he happens to choose a fancy to! It's because he's a man. MEN are all so SUPERIOR aren't they? Anyhow, then Carissa (the nerdy innocent supermodelish looking girl who for reasons unknown to all, is in love with S-hole) came walking up. I was saved! So I enthusiastically started to talk to her, remembering too late that C and R hate each other with a deep and fiery hatred. But he actually laughed at something she said. AMAZEMENT!! Anyhow, then she wandered off to talk to Kokora, and I started to talk to Jade, who came over. Here is an actual and unretouched segment of the conversation:
J: You're so quiet, Jasmine! TALK
Me: Haaa.... I'm tired....
J: You're only a freshman! I'm a senior!
Me: Yeah, but seniors don't DO anything!
J: Haha, you will! With all your AP and honor's classes...
Me: Yup! Yay! Tee hee! (or some other suitably empty headed response)
R: Oh, I'M not going to take any AP classes!
Me: (thinking) Oh yes, because everything pertains to you. (Saying) Oh, really? Why?
R: Ehh, I just don't want to.
Me: Oh, ok! Tee hee!
J: Hey, Jasmine, you'll be smarter!
R: Ha. Just this once.
J: She's smart in her own way!
R: Yes... in her... own way... (deep, protective hug)
Me: What's that supposed to mean?
R: You are... intelligible.
Me: And by that, you mean....?
R: (presumably thinking that I don't know the meaning of the word intelligible) Oh, I can, er understand... and stuff...
J: There's your teacher. Gotta go!
Me: Bye! ^^
R: (mumbling) Smarter. Heh. As if.
Me: Oh, I need to go.
R: Ok, bye. (long deep hug and smacky slobbery kiss on cheek)
Me: .......!!!!!!!!
SO NOW DO YOU SEE!???? In the locker room, I was fuming! You could practically see the steam coming out of my head! I called him a jerkshit, a cumwad, a fucktart, and several other nasty names, much to the discomfort of Carissa, who never even says the word "butt". Kokora was laughing and watching as I punched holes in the locker doors. (Ok, not really, but practically) I finished changing, and walked outside with K and C, still ranting. I had just mentioned that whenever I was with him it felt like someone was punching me in the stomach, repeatedly, while holding a very sharp metal hammer, when I became aware of an icy cold glare directed my way. (Yes, Mira and her soccer team were there, but no, that is not of whom I speak) (although they too, were not looking pleased at my arrival) Yes! It was true! R stood at the gym door, looking pissed as prune pudding! "Like, he sits in front of me in math, right?" I quickly recovered myself. "So when I have to SEE him each day, it's TORTURE! He knows EVERY formula!" R still looked suspicious, but backed away. I felt very proud of my prowess. K and Ç just looked puzzled. Then, as we had a substitute, we proceeded to walk around the basketball courts and talk about matters of great importance. "You need to break up with him, ASAP," said C with a concerned expression. "He's really bad for you, Jasmine!" "I don't care," I said, already gaining back my cheerful happy-happy-joy-joy schoolgirl act. "No, he's really going to damage your self respect," she continued. I have it on good authority that I have no self respect, so I just shrugged. "He's a parasite to you!" she finished, with a lawyer-like expression, and I realized that I was about to get a lecture. And so I did. The main points being 1. I should break up with him, and 2. I should really be a more self-respecting person. (I wonder where that came from...) I was tired of this, so for the rest of the period, K and I instructed C on the different workings of sex. She is SOOOOO innocent! When I mentioned handcuffs, she just about had a fit, and when K told her that doggie-style is bad for your ass, (which it SO is, I mean wouldn't it be like taking a giant shit while someone tells you that he's enjoying how his dick fits so nicely in that convenient hole?) she had a blank look on her face like "what the
shit gtg quiz 2morro ewwww -.-

i am now filled with a fiery and furious rage

Oh, hell no.
Jason dumped me and my new boyfriend is a DOUCHE!!!!!!!!
UGHHHHH!
FMLLLLLLLLLL!
Why meeeeeeeee?
Stooopid cumshizzle!
Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!





Also, I must think of a suitably subtle and still deliciously malicious way to get back at a certain puffed up penis-ball who thinks he's the shit.
I.E LITTLE FANCYPANTS FINGER FUCKER!!!! CONYO!!!!



And, even though I have apologized to her for being stupid butterballs' girlfriend and maaaayyyybe mentioning it to everyone in the locker room, Miss I'm-Too-Good-For-The-Likes-Of-Poo Maddison stilll hates me! DAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMIT!


And now, I have to go get dressed for shtupid ckc. I shall return later to continue my rant.