It's the last day before my birthday, so I thought I should probably say something.
So....
It's been kind of a long break. Also, kind of a pain. I'm so bored... I don't see how I managed to be home schooled for so long and not die of unnatural and completely avoidable causes. (The causes being lack of social contact, and abject and total boredom)
So now, I just realized that I sound and act like a typical public school girl. (Hey, if you take the L out of "public" you'll get...?) (Listen, I'm still 14. I have only one day to finish up making immature sex jokes!) But.. where was I? Oh yeah. Ok. So I sound and act like a typical high school girl, when just a few months ago I was as individualistic as Lady Gaga's red carpet wardrobe. (Or was I...?) But the point is that I have completely been changed and that's PROBABLY not a good thing. Why shouldn't it be, though? Cause I'm just me... and people really do evolve out of change! (And that's NOT what I meant, to all of you conservative, stick-up-your-ass people like my dad. I meant that people become who they are through a period of change and development and that if no one developed it would be rather a problem. Not that we all came from fish, monkeys, worms, George Bush, and whatever other prehistoric animals you can think of.) (No disrespect meant to George Bush, of course. I'm sure he was quite popular back in his day. He could cook up quite a primordial soup, or so I've heard.) So there.)
So why is it a problem that I've changed? And I'm still and individual, too. If you think I'm going to turn into someone like Mira, you are greatly mistaken. For one thing, I don't think I would look very good blond. For another thing, her fashion sense is HORRIBLE and I wouldn't be caught dead wearing 99/100's of the things she wears. Also, she doesn't really wear makeup, and she NEVER experiments with her hair, and I'm still too klutzy to play soccer or volleyball or whatever completely plastic sport she chooses to pass her time with. (I think it's soccer. Yes, I'm pretty sure it's soccer. She keeps talking about it. Loudly. And no, it's not that I want to listen, it's because she imposes all of her white soccer gal-ness into the atmosphere so that one can't help but listen. Also, that her voice is as loud as hell. But that's another story.) AND her personality is to die for. (And by this, I mean that if anyone else had it, they would die of embarrassment.) So all in all, I'm pretty lucky that I am not her. Oh! And if I were her, I'd have to hang out with Preppy, Preppier, Preppiest, and Annoying Jerk! Which would suck your boyfriend's dick. So I am VERY thankful, right as of now.
But back to the original question... why is it bad that I've changed? Sure, I'm a little scarier now then I used to be... I never wear pink (Although I'm wearing it now, which is VERY embarrassing and I hope no one outside of my immediate family sees me) and I pile on the makeup every day, but I'm not that different. I still draw non stop and love music (although both styles are kind of different now) and I still play violin (Although I really hate it), and I'm still friends with everyone who I was friends with when I was home schooled. So I'm really not that different. And I sure as shit ain't no fuckin emo!!!!!!!!! Kitty thinks I am. She says things like, "Think about it! You cut yourself, you wear black, you only listen to heavy metal and screamo, you're depressed, you sit in the rain depressedly, you're mean to lots of people, you cuss a lot, and you're short! And you have greasy hair!" To which I must say, Kitty dear, you are wrong on many counts. First, you wear black too. Second, I don't just listen to heavy metal and screamo, I also listen to hard rock or gothic stuff, and sometimes even pop, like All Good Things Come To An End or Simple Plan. Third, I also walk around in the rain, and this doesn't make me emo because it's extremely fun to do. Fourth, there is nothing wrong with cussing or being mean/ caricaturing to people, as long as they deserve it. And the objects of my affectations definitely do. Fifth, my hair is NOT greasy, and I wash it all the time to make sure it does not become that way. And last but not least, WHY THE EFF DOES BEING SHORT MAKE ME EMO??!!! Also, being short does not make me stupid, ugly, annoying, bratty, rude, selfish, unsuccessful, bawdy, or anything else. Kitty must have banged her head against the wall one too many times when she was little.
So there.
I have fully dissected my personality, and no emo! It just ain't there!
Oh yeah! I finally got rid of my psychologist yesterday. Really, they are SOOOO easy to fool! I threw in corny little lines like, "And what is most important is that one accepts oneself the way one must be accepted" and "I know lots of people have never seen a girl who is pretty AND smart, so they don't really know what to do with me, but I must work on breaking down their stereotypes to help lead us into a better community." and she was nodding and smiling, and practically sobbing with pride and joy, and I mean, SEXY SHIT!!!! How gullible is she ANYWAY???? Who would actually say something like "one accept oneself" or "breaking stereotypes to lead us into a better community" outside of a Sweetie University welcome speech by the Healthy Hearts, Healthy Minds committee? And does she actually think that I fully believe myself to be smart and pretty and am well enough aware of it to proclaim it to any capable minded person who happens to bring the subject of conversation near enough to garner a response of the type? IT'S DOWNRIGHT HILARIOUS!!!! I was using my best plastic voice the whole time too. It was so funny I could hardly stand it.
Well, that gets HER off my back! Now to get Kitty to do the same.
Yesterday I went over to Eleanor's house. (It's so amazing that she lives right on my street!) DANG her brother is FINE! Too bad he's taken. His girlfriend was there. I tried hard to contain my disappointment.
All was going well, until Mom called me, like five times to make me come home. (She didn't know that I was just up the sidewalk, practically a condom's throw away) She made me go to CKC Muzak, which was the first one of the winter semester (Also of the year). I disliked it. I had to teach three little girls who seemed to think that I was their personal entertainment system and refused to learn what I wanted them to. (Well, one of them did actually learn the G major scale I taught her, so that is something.) (And they did learn stuff, just not what was in the lesson plan. Like, the first note of the Handel concerto, and also how to pluck the G string and move up your finger to make a really slidey sound. Roman taught me that one.) (I gather they also learned how to stall the teacher.) And they were very smart and pretty nice, so it wasn't too bad. But the time I tried to teach the sulky pre-teen rebel-without-a-cause? UGH! He was scared of me, as all men are, so he played what I told him, but he also did it as badly as possible, and was very pouty about it. SO ANNOYING!
Oh well. At least I got to see Justin there.
Not that I got to talk to him, but whatever.
Oh yeah! That old guy from Misery Ensemble is moving, so he's giving me his six students. (I think). At ten dollars a lesson, that's.... Oh, swoon. Sixty dollars a week? And I also teach Karina and Sungmin's little buddy, so maybe like seventy? And sometimes eighty? I AM GONNA BE RICH! GONNA MAKE UP WHAT I SPENT IN LITTLE TOKYO!!
Did I mention? I went to Little Tokyo for new years with Crystal, Jade, Kitty, and mom. And Halmoni, and Crystal's mom too.
I spent like 100 bucks. AWESOME!
I get to stay home alone today! Except the babyshitters are coming. What a pain! I tried to convince my parents that since I'm almost 15, I shouldn't have to have babysitters, but they wouldn't hear of it. Annoying dictatorliciousness.
Oh well, guess that's it! Bye!
xxxx 愛
